Signs of escalating domestic violence
Experts: Dulos marriage red flags
NEW CANAAN — In the years leading up to the disappearance of his wife, Fotis Dulos’ behavior exhibited an escalation of domestic violence, advocates said in the days after his arrest.
The actions of her estranged husband, as described by Jennifer Dulos and her attorney in divorce documents filed in Stamford Superior Court, include many red flag warnings that advocates say increase the threat of physical violence in a relationship.
“I am afraid of my husband,” Jennifer Dulos said in an affidavit in 2017. “I know that filing
for divorce, and filing this motion will enrage him. I know he will retaliate by trying to harm me in some way. He has the attitude that he must always win at all costs. He is dangerous and ruthless when he believes that he has been wronged.”
Fotis Dulos was charged Saturday with tampering with or fabricating physical evidence and firstdegree hindering the prosecution.
Police have not yet found Jennifer Dulos, though the husband’s arrest affidavit says he cleaned up her blood and disposed of the evidence at various locations in Hartford. His girlfriend, Michelle Troconis, is facing the same charges and accused of doing the same. Jennifer Dulos has been missing since she dropped her five children off at school in New Canaan on May 24.
“We know that domestic violence homicide is both predictable and preventable,” said Karen Jarmoc, CEO of the Connecticut Coalition Against Domestic Violence in Wethersfield. “There are often red flags that precipitate a homicide. We know that when victims leave, this is the most dangerous time. Separation, divorce, and custody issues can also lead to the abuser escalating behaviors in an attempt to regain control.”
Domestic violence can appear in many forms, said Mary Lee Kiernan, CEO of YWCA Greenwich, and while every case is different, many share common patterns, including the ones in Dulos’ case.
1. Intimidation and threats
Acts of intimidation are common in abusive relationships, according to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, and abusers threaten their partners in an attempt to assert control.
On Aug. 2, 2017, Fotis Dulos “purposefully” sped up Jennifer Dulos’ New Canaan driveway in his SUV “at a high rate of speed” directly toward his wife, according to court filings, “swerving, to miss hitting her only at the last second.”
“The parties’ five minor children were in the car and witnessed the Defendant’s intimidating and dangerous act,” Jennifer Dulos’ attorney wrote.
Fotis also once told his wife, “I can do whatever I want, you don’t have a restraining order,” court filings say.
He also made specific threats to take their children out of the country, Jennifer Dulos said in divorce proceedings.
“He threatened to ‘take all of the children, disappear’ and ‘you will never find us,’ ” she said.
2. Disregard for the law
Showing a disregard for the law may indicate a person is more likely to hurt their partners, according the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence.
Fotis Dulos brought a handgun into the family’s home in May 2017, Jennifer Dulos said in court documents.
“My husband does not have a gun permit and upon information and belief, the gun is unregistered,” Jennifer Dulos said. “I asked my husband to immediately remove the gun from the house, and he insisted that he was keeping it in the house ‘for protection.’ ”
Fotis Dulos also violated court orders in the divorce proceedings, Jennifer Dulos’ attorney argued. They said he violated orders about alimony, child support, property and custody.
Attorneys for Fotis Dulos argued the accusations were “patently false” and accused Jennifer Dulos’ attorneys of “filing meritless motions based on hysteria.”
A judge ultimately decided there wasn’t a “preponderance of evidence” of an immediate risk of physical danger to the children, according to an order that denied Jennifer Dulos’ emergency request for full custody.
“Unfortunately, the burden of proof of abuse is put on the victim,” Meredith Gold, director of YWCA Greenwich domestic abuse services, said in a written statement. “Often, it takes more than one hearing before the court for a victim of abuse to be believed.”
3. Controlling behavior
Abusive relationships always involve a pattern of controlling behavior, Kiernan said, including asserting psychological or physical control.
“I am terrified for my family’s safety, especially since discovering (his) gun, as my husband has a history of controlling, volatile and delusional behavior,” Jennifer Dulos said in an affidavit.
On June 3, 2017, the mother said her estranged husband became “enraged” and “out of control” during an argument about the children’s scheduling.
“He got within inches of my face and berated me,” she said. “I was scared and tried to leave the room. He followed me upstairs and into a bedroom, where he shut the door and blocked it so that I was trapped as he verbally attacked me and physically intimidated me.”
Jennifer Dulos said when she discovered he was having an affair with Troconis and expressed she wanted to end the marriage, her husband, “vacillated between telling me our marriage is over and threatening me that he will never allow me to divorce him.”
“We know that abusers use various strategies to threaten, harass, control and intimidate their partner, including the practice of continuing this conduct through the family court process,” Jarmoc said.
4. Verbal abuse, public shaming
Abusers often rely on shame to keep their victims from coming forward, according to advocates, and may attempt to humiliate them in public.
Fotis Dulos degraded his wife in front of others, according to documents filed by Jennifer Dulos’ attorney.
In front of their five children, Fotis Dulos made statements like, “You should be locked away,” “Why don’t you pop another pill,” “You’re insane,” and “You are an unfit mother.”
5. Quick to anger
Succumbing to rage hastily is a common trait in abusers, advocates say.
Jennifer Dulos’s attorneys indicated in court records that Fotis Dulos had a quick temper. She said in an affidavit that her husband was showing increasingly irrational, unsafe, threatening and controlling behavior.
“This behavior has significantly intensified,” she said.
6. Violent behavior toward others
People who physically harm others are more likely to harm their partners, research shows.
Jennifer Dulos said in the divorce proceedings she heard her husband talk about hurting others.
“During the course of our marriage, he told me about sickening revenge fantasies and plans to cause physical harm to others who have wronged him,” she said in the affidavit.
Seeking help
“Domestic violence is complex and not always easy to recognize,” Jarmoc said. “It often includes subtle threats and intimidation that may be difficult to identify as abusive unless viewed as a pattern over time.”
Domestic violence can take many forms, she said, including emotional, psychological, physical, sexual, financial, and technological.
“Victims are the best judges of predictors of how their abusers will escalate and may become dangerous,” Kiernan said. “In this case, clearly ( Jennifer Dulos’) filings showed a fear that we don’t know yet for sure, but may well have been warranted. All of this tells us and underscores how important it is to believe victims.”
Anyone is subject to being a victim of domestic violence, she added, no matter their background.
“This unfortunate case reinforces the certainty that domestic violence does not discriminate, regardless of the affluence of municipality,” said Kevin Shippy, executive director of the Stamford-based Domestic Violence Crisis Center. “That’s why we stress the importance of residents to call our statewide hotline for professional assistance.”
Anyone who is experiencing or knows someone who is experiencing domestic violence is encouraged to call the statewide domestic violence hotline at 888-774-2900.