‘THE SILENT KILLER’
How coercive control shaped Jennifer Magnano’s children’s lives
As Monday marks 14 years since Jennifer Magnano was killed by her husband, her children, who have spent years fighting to broaden domestic violence laws, say many people still don’t understand certain aspects of domestic abuse.
After her children say she endured years of abuse from her husband, Jennifer Magnano was killed at their Plymouth home on Aug. 23, 2007. Her estranged husband, Scott Magnano, later died by suicide.
In the years following their mother’s death, Jessica Rosenbeck, David Magnano and Emily Thibeault have discovered that many people, including those working closest with survivors, do not have knowledge or training on coercive control.
Coercive control manifests in many forms. There are several strategies used in this type of abuse, from food control to micromanaging finances, speech, sexual activity and work, according to a book written by sociologist Dr. Evan Stark, who coined the phrase.
In an interview with Hearst Connecticut Media, Jennifer Magnano’s children described how coercive control affected their family and still influences their lives.
They are on a mission help educate children on healthy relationships, and through Jennifers’ Law, prevent others in Connecticut from enduring their mother’s fate.
Jennifer Magnano, who briefly fled the state with her kids before returning to avoid losing custody of them, was 42 when she was killed. Her children said Scott Magnano cut off their mother’s contact with relatives and took control of the finances, slowly forcing the family to become entirely dependent on him.
Jennifer Magnano’s children said they witnessed for years their mother suffer abuse, which they said at times was inflicted on them as well.
But as their mother packed up their belongings, preparing to leave for good with her children, she was attacked one last time.
David Magnano said he was 16 years old when he witnessed that final struggle that ended with his mother fatally shot on their front steps. His younger sister, Emily, was 9. Jessica, who is Jennifer Magnano’s daughter from a previous relationship, was 21 when her mother died.
David Magnano said his father controlled all aspects of their lives and the children recall how disobedience was sometimes met with abuse.
“I remember he used to smack me in the back of the head all the time,” Rosenbeck said.
“He once beat our mom over two pennies,” David Magnano added. “That is not an exaggeration.”
David Magnano, now 29, said his mother went to the hospital on several occasions with bruising and other injuries and poor
excuses for how she got them, but he said no one ever questioned it.
“Somehow, no one saw the red flags,” he said.
From Connecticut to California, and back
But one night, Jennifer Magnano had enough and took off with the kids while her husband was in the shower — which the family knew was a 40-minute process, according to a 2009 investigative report into the homicide by Michelle Cruz with the Office of the Victim Advocate.
A friend helped Jennifer Magnano temporarily find local lodging before she took her children on a train cross-country to California, the only place she found with a shelter that would take in the entire family. The time away allowed the children to see their mother in a new light.
“It was just really nice to see her free and happy,” Rosenbeck said. “Even though it was very brief, getting to know her apart from the trauma and violence and anxiety, I just wish it lasted longer. … If I could return to any point in my life, that would be it.”
“She was a really great mom,” she added. “She was really funny and silly. She was a great cook and baker. … Some of her is definitely instilled in all of us — the best parts of her. And I’m really grateful for that.”
In California, Jennifer Magnano tried to initiate a divorce and contacted authorities in Connecticut, describing the situation in detail to Plymouth police, Cruz’s report said. But no police report was initially filed after that first conversation. And no arrest was made.
At home in Connecticut, Scott Magnano argued in court his wife took away his children and was briefly granted custody of David and Emily while his wife was ordered to return to the state, the report said. She returned and was able
to maintain custody of them and granted permission to stay in the family home, while her husband was ordered to leave, the report said.
Jennifer Magnano intended to pack up all of their belongings and leave again — maybe back to California.
Plymouth police accompanied Jennifer Magnano when she came home on Aug. 23, 2007. Police searched the home to ensure Scott Magnano was not there. The only place they didn’t look was the basement, where Scott Magnano’s mother was living and she denied police entry into the space, Cruz’s report said.
According to the report, Scott Magnano attacked his estranged wife as she was packing up. The two briefly struggled, before making their way onto the doorstep outside the home.
As David watched, his father pointed a gun at his mother and fired. Jennifer Magnano was pronounced dead at the scene and her husband drove off and was later found dead by suicide.
Coercive control
Thibeault, who’s now 23, and like her brother, lives in Massachusetts, said she left a coercive control relationship of her own last year.
“I think people are really not aware of how much you learn from your parents in terms of how a relationship is,” she said. “I definitely went down that same path. I watched it all happen to my mom, and you’d think that by seeing the outcome of what happened to her, I would have learned what to avoid. But it was like a moth to a light.”
“I found myself in this relationship that was so similar to what I feel like the beginning of what my mom and dad’s relationship was like, and it didn’t really click in my head for so long,” she added. “To me, that’s what love seemed like or felt like.”
Thibeault said even now, more than a year later, being in a healthy relationship feels abnormal. She said she wants educational opportunities in schools for students to learn at a young age the signs of a healthy relationship.
“How are people supposed to learn about it besides experiencing it and learning from their parents?” she said. “I saw what happened with my mom and I literally almost got myself into the same situation . ... Coercive control is the silent killer that people don’t recognize.”
Rosenbeck, now 35 and still living in Connecticut, said she has heard many people over the years defend coercive control relationships.
“A lot of people think that it’s only physical violence that counts as abuse,” she said.
David Magnano and his siblings said they would also like to see more intervention when it comes to potential abusers.
“If society as a whole starts to flag those types of behaviors early on, it can help correct the abuser at an earlier stage where it’s easier to address,” he said. “Who knows if there could’ve been help for Scott when he was younger. … We’ll never know now.”
Jennifer Magnano’s children said a lot of aspects of their mother’s story often get misconstrued.
David Magnano said among the things people bring up is that their mom could have “just left.” But he and his siblings say it isn’t that easy.
“It wasn’t like the first incident was a beating or a strangulation or sexual violence,” he said. “It started off very slow.”
David Magnano and Rosenbeck recalled the verbal abuse started when they were young and escalated to their mother being strangled soon after their younger sister was born.
“The physical violence didn’t come until maybe the last seven or so years,” Rosenbeck said. “Before that, it was just coercive stuff.”
Rosenbeck, who said she was sexually assaulted by Scott Magnano, said many people question why she didn’t leave.
“I did choose to stay, because to me, it didn’t feel like a choice because I wasn’t going to leave my siblings and my mom behind,” she said. “It sucked and I hated every second of it, but it was a bullet I was willing to take because I didn’t want someone else to suffer.”
In the years that followed their mother’s death, the siblings have worked to educate others on domestic violence, and fought hard in Connecticut to get Jennifers’ Law passed this year. The law expands the definition of domestic violence to include coercive control.
The children of Jennifer Magnano, killed by her husband 14 years ago, have spent years working to educate people on domestic violence.
Story told through art
Among the projects Jennifer Magnano’s children have become involved with is a documentary that was directed, produced and written by New York filmmaker Elle Kamihira.
“If she stayed, she would die. If she left, she would die. What would you do?” The chilling line grabs the attention of the viewer at the end of the teaser trailer for the animated film, “Jennifer, 42” — which shows the evolution of domestic abuse and coercive control from the perspectives of Jennifer Magnano’s children.
Kamihira said Stark recommended the Magnano case to her when she first became passionate about educating people on coercive control.
“I read it (Cruz’s report) and saw it was extremely problematic that the system that we built to respond to domestic violence doesn’t really understand how domestic violence works,” Kamihira said. “I wanted to make it a deep dive into domestic violence and domestic abuse. It’s a story that’s local to Connecticut, but it’s also a universal story.”
She began working on the film between other projects in 2013. She said the decision to animate it came a few years ago.
“The fact that the film was animated at first was kind of bizarre to me,” Thibeault said. “But after seeing portions of it, it really sets the scene in a way that I don’t think anything else could.”
Kamihira said her team hopes to complete the film within the next year. They hope to sell the film to a streaming service and to pursue an educational distribution option.