Family hurts reader who lost weight

Dear Abby: During the last year, I made some significant changes to my life. I left an emotionally abusive marriage after 23 years, which gave me the confidence to take better care of myself. I have lost 70 pounds. I am very proud of this.

My issue is my family has now started using my former weight as a measuring stick. I am often told things like, “You should see your cousin. She’s almost as big as you were!” which is quickly followed by an offhand, “No offense,” which tells me they know it offends me.

It’s not just one person saying this; it has actually become the family standard. I know I was very large, but this is extremely hurtful. I find myself avoiding family visits because the subject seems to invariably come up in some way. Is there anything beyond what I have already tried that can convey the distress this causes? Former Fat Relative

in Missouri

Dear Relative: Your relatives have been told that alluding to your former weight problem causes you distress. That it continues tells me they are thoughtless at best, not to mention rude and inconsiderate of your feelings. Because you can’t change their behavior, the logical solution is to do what is best for you and see less of them.

Dear Abby: I have begun high school and I love it, but I’m bumping into friend problems. My new friend has many other friends in one big friend group, and she’s inviting me to join them. I barely know these people, and some of them make me uncomfortable, but I still eat lunch with them sometimes. I don’t want to be rude to my friend, but I am unsure if I want to join this group.

I have a separate friend whom I met in middle school, and I have reason to believe that I am his only friend. He eats lunch with me and my upperclassmen friends. They ignore him while he talks to me about the things we like. I am afraid I’m hurting him by making more friends. Any advice?

Stressed Teen in New Jersey

Dear Teen: That you have been including your middle school friend during those lunches I think is caring. Doing so is not “hurting” him. If he’s unable to integrate and become part of the group, no law says the two of you must have lunch with those people every single day. Consider alternating lunches with other students so you can widen your circle of friends.