Who Won the 4th of July?
How did you spend your 4th of July? In stereotypical fashion, we got together with family and cranked up the smoker, the grill, and the ice cream freezer. After the last bite of our late lunch, as we waited for our bodies to give us the go-ahead to pour in the homemade ice cream, we watched sports.
Perhaps you’ve heard of the athletes we watched: Joey “Jaws” Chestnut, Carmen “The Mutiny” Cincotti, and Matt “Megatoad” Stonie. Their respective scores in this athletic contest were 72 (not a world record, but an event record for sure), 62 and 48 HDB’s. On the women’s side, we watched Miki Sudo top Michelle Lesco and Sonya Thomas with a high score of 41 HDB’s. And the winners? They took home a giant belt.
If you aren’t familiar with these names, it probably sounds like we watched wrestling. And I’m not above that - I was a big fan back in the day when it came on the Memphis channel every Saturday with announcer Dave Brown, when folks like Jerry “The King” Lawler and Ric “Nature Boy” Flair were in their heyday. I can still sing the tune that played as the wrestling trophy slowly spun around on my TV. But this wasn’t wrestling. This was Nathan’s annual Hot Dog Eating Contest, held every 4th of July at Coney Island, New York.
Some of you are skeptics. You wonder if competitive eating can actually be called a sport. Consider the evidence. One: it has a governing body called the International Federation of Competitive Eating, which is a part of Major League Eating (MLE), the organization that developed the sport. Two: most competitors train their bodies for events, though there do appear to be a few who make it on natural talent. Three: ESPN covers the Nathan’s event with two male commentators, and one female “on-the-field” reporter who interviews key players. Four: according to MLE, the Nathan’s 4th of July contest has brought a higher rating than any baseball game ever played on the 4th. Five: there are referees involved, who wear black-andwhite-striped shirts just like other more recognized sports. And finally, if that wasn’t enough: Chestnut took home more than the coveted Mustard Belt: he made $10,000. So yeah, I’m gonna’ get on the bandwagon and call it a sport.
At the Nathan’s contest, Joey Chestnut won handily for the 10th time, consuming 72 HBD’s (hot dogs with buns) in ten minutes. That’s an average of 7.2 hot dogs per minute, and that’s just because he slowed down towards the end. 72 is not the world record, but Joey also holds that (73.5) from a qualifying competition. Darren Rovell of ESPN did the math on Joey’s Saturday intake: 20,160 calories, 1296 grams of fat, and that’s really all we need to hear. Here’s the crazy thing: out of the 19 or so qualifiers who participated in the men’s event, only one was someone I would consider to be a big man. Another fellow, Richard “The Locust” LeFevre, who tops out at 117 pounds, is 73 years old. He’s ranked #13 in the world, and holds the world records for corn dogs (12), huevos rancheros (7.75 pounds), and SPAM (6 pounds from the can). My father, also in his seventies, was watching it with me and I encouraged him to look into it. The man can put away some serious ice cream.
There used to be days when I wondered what it would be like to eat competitively. Then I watched this competition, and was thankful that I had already eaten my lunch. (It was a little messy. Daughter was sitting on the other side watching, and had to distract herself while the actual eating was happening.) In college, I think I could have won a contest at the seafood buffet just west of Oxford, but those days are over. Today, I think more like the late comedian, Mitch Hedberg, who said: “I like rice. Rice is great when you’re hungry and want 2000 of something.”
Our 4th of July feast involved hot dogs, too - but not the kind you would expect. I came across a recipe recently for vegan hot dogs. If you’re thinking tofu weiners, I suppose those qualify, but they aren’t my thing. These were carrots. Just carrots. Whole carrots cut to the length of a hot dog, sauteed in a sweet and savory glaze (with a dash of liquid smoke) until just tender, then finished on the grill. Yep, they even had grill marks. I wouldn’t go so far as to say they could pass for a Nathan’s Famous Frank - not by any means. But for a unique side dish with smoked ribs they were just fine.
Daughter requested grilled corn, so I did the same thing with some cobettes: boiled a few minutes, then finished on the grill for a little char. I like slaw with my smoked swine, no matter the part, but I’d eaten a goodly amount of traditional slaw earlier in the week, so I made a batch of Lexington (NC) style red slaw, which has a dressing of apple cider vinegar, sugar, black pepper and ketchup. It’s an acquired taste, perhaps, but I have acquired it and I encourage you to give it a try. The only bread was some leftover cornbread I made for our church potluck last Sunday. The goal was to make patriotic cornbread: blue cornmeal, white corn, and red onions. I was two-thirds successful, as the red onions didn’t stay red after cooking. Perhaps next time I’ll go with bacon.
And for dessert, homemade ice cream, the Butterfinger kind. No shock there. And in the spirit of the day, I tried to eat more than anyone else. But I think Jerry “The Doc” Reed may have edged me out for the title.