They Don’t Want Your Stuff

I might hurt some feelings with this one, so buckle up. You know all those treasured keepsakes you have in your home? The mementos from your trip to Bora Bora in 1980? The precious handprint turkey Little Johnny made you in kindergarten? That valuable china set your parents lovingly packed when they returned to America from Germany? (That last one is me.) No one wants it. Your kids don’t want it. Have you asked them?

I talk a lot about managing your estate and strategies for making the most of an inheritance, but what we don’t often talk about is what to do with your “stuff” and the realities that surround that. This has all been brought back to the forefront for me as we said goodbye to my older sister on Halloween night. (Thank you for the many condolence calls and notes.) She had a twothousand-square-foot house full of very nice furniture and accessories, yet both her children’s homes are wellappointed and full. What to do with “the things”?

Another example in which I was involved was the home of a dear friend. When her parents died suddenly within a few months of each other, my friend and her siblings were all in their fifties and sixties, none living even in this state, and all with full homes. My friend and her family went through photos, selected a few memorable pieces for themselves or for their adult children, then held an estate auction for everything else, including the house. The coins their father had lovingly collected and catalogued? They split them up but have little appreciation for the coins’ worth; they’re in safe deposit boxes, put away probably until the deaths of my friend and her siblings.

The reality is that what you want to happen with your stuff is often not what your heirs want to do with it. Let’s start with the big one, your house. This is the one people balk at the most, but here goes. Your kids don’t want your house. I know you think they do, but they really don’t. In most cases, even when they do, it would be impractical for them to buy it anyway.

How are three kids going to “share” my house? There’s no way that’s going to work, even though the idea of them sharing a beach house sounds nice. The reality is that they likely can’t share it, and forcing them to do so will almost certainly lead to hard feelings. Somebody is going to get more use of it than the others, and that’s where the problems start.

If one of them wants to buy out the others, that’s

fine — but what are the terms in which they can buy it? Do they get a “discount” because they are family? Doesn’t that hurt the others’ value for the same reason? “Oh, they’ll just sell it and take the money!” Ok… Will the work being done to make the house sellable be evenly split among the siblings? What about the one who lives in Idaho? He surely won’t be here to keep up the yard while the house is showing, to deal with the power bill, insurance and taxes. That leaves Joe-the-local-child to do the brunt of the work. Is that fair?

I see this scenario time and again. Yes, your home holds a lot of sentimental value to you and your heirs, but the reality of them keeping it rarely ever works out, and feathers are often ruffled in the process of selling.

Now for the smaller stuff. While your collection of figurines, model trains, baseball cards, (insert your collectible here) is your hobby and passion, rarely does that continue to your heirs. If they don’t share your passion for those collectibles, they are likely to sell them for less than their full value when they inherit them because they don’t fully understand their true value as a collectible. Your beautiful china? Understand that there are only so many sets of china that your kids or grandchildren can use. The effect of passing them on for generations has created a glut of china for younger people. Add to this the fact that younger generations simply don’t use china at all compared to older generations, let alone using four to five sets of it. (I’ve literally never used my parents’ Germany set, though I love it dearly.)

If the goal is to make your estate transfer as easy as possible and with as few problems or family scuffles as possible, then addressing some of these issues now may well help to solve these problems. If you aren’t sure how your heirs feel about inheriting your “stuff,” then the easiest course of action is simply to ask them. I think you’ll be surprised with the answer. Then get busy.

You can start selling items, then take the cash and invest it for your heirs. I can almost promise you they will be happier that way in the end. I also encourage my clients to donate anything and everything

that can help others. Our Habitat Resale Store here is my go-to place, and they pick up larger items from your home. I encourage you not to make this effort feel like a burden, but rather a fun adventure down memory lane with your spouse and/or family. Enjoy the results. Your house will feel bigger and the weight on your shoulders will feel lighter. Your kids will thank you, too. Then consider selling the home and downsizing.

A final phrase and then a tease: Charitable Giving Trust. My next piece will discuss this as an option not only for cash, but for your “stuff”. Tune in!