‘Mean girl’ to shed the accidental title

Dear Amy: Years ago when I was in my early 30s, I landed a great job with an excellent company. I’ve been very happy here all this time, except in the past 15 months or so.

My good friend retired and a young woman in her mid-20s was hired to take her place. When she’s in the office, she has all of our coworkers rallying around her, trying to prop her up and help her with every little thing, from using the computer to getting directions to places, to covering for her many sick days.

Most of the time she’s out of the office, claiming some horrible illness or recovery from surgery.

Recently, my frustration got the better of me and I started complaining about her absences. Someone overheard me and clued her in. I apologized and promised I wouldn’t talk about her again, but now it’s tense with her and I’m even more unhappy.

This unfortunate breakdown of mine turned me into a “mean girl” and she is the victim. It’s so frustrating I don’t know how to handle it. I don’t really have proof that she’s lying about her illnesses — it’s just a hunch.

Any suggestions? — (Not Really A) Mean Girl

Dear Not Really: Your retired friend might be a good person to talk to about this; she knows you and understands the personalities and dynamic at work.

I’m also going to suggest a brave and radical option, which has helped many a “mean girl” turn things around: Get to know this coworker better. Would she be willing to have coffee with you?

Who knows — you might see what the fuss is all about. Regardless of the outcome, you will have done everything possible to make this right.

I think you will be happier if you do.