Daughter does not ‘heart’ paperweight

Dear Amy: For my first wedding anniversary, my mom got us a crystal paperweight in the shape of a heart. When I opened the package, I was confused.

My mom is a keepsake person; we are not.

On the phone I thanked my mom for the gift and said it was lovely (because it was) that we appreciated the gift (which we did). She explained that there was another paperweight in red we could exchange it for if we liked it better and encouraged me to look online for it. I took this as a sign that she was flexible about the gift.

Online I found a crystal ornament of the same brand and sent her a link with the message, “I kinda love this!” The only keepsakes that are part of our family tradition are Christmas ornaments, and I thought if her gift to us were an ornament, I’d admire it during the holidays on the tree and genuinely love it.

She emailed me this morning saying that an ornament “Isn’t even close to what I had in mind to commemorate your first wedding anniversary” and that I could exchange it for the red paperweight if I liked that better, or if I didn’t want either paperweight, to send it back and she wouldn’t replace it. She said, “My feelings are already a bit bruised either way.”

It seems I’ve already done the damage. Do I just keep the paperweight? — Guilty Daughter

Dear Guilty: Yes. You keep the paperweight. Your reaction and effort to get what you want seem to have touched a nerve.

But this is not about what you want. It’s about what your mother wants to give to you. It’s not necessarily rational, but it’s a mom thing. She wanted you to have something specific that meant something to her. She has been honest and gently reproachful. Apologize with a hug and move on.