Imagine if managers behaved like candidates
One thing our presidential candidates are not doing at this juncture is setting a good example for workplace leadership.
Being a politician and being a boss or manager are two different things, of course, but leaders in the workplace certainly take cues fromother high-profile bosses, be they politicos or CEOs.
So let’s take a moment to imagine life atwork if all executives and mangers behaved like Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump. I’ll present this as a series of emails:
To: Staff From: Larry Thompson Subject: Loser Ned Anderson is wrong, and dumb
As your CEO— the best one this company has ever had, I’m told— I feel it necessary to inform you that Ned Anderson, our VP of human resources and a very low-energy guy, is falsely saying that I canceled Hawaiian-shirt Friday.
This is a lie. That’s what Ned does. He lies, all the time. It’s really bad, everyone says so. And I did not say Hawaiian-shirt Friday should be canceled. I love Hawaiian-shirt Friday and have many friends who wear Hawaiian shirts, some even on days that aren’t Friday, they love them so much, and so do I.
I just heard from many reliable sources that some of the Hawaiian shirts being worn on Fridays were not made in this country, and I think that’s wrong. We don’t know where these Hawaiian shirts might be coming from, and until we can figure this stuff out and find away to carefully vet all Hawaiian shirts— I call it extreme shirt vetting, EXTREME!— we need to stop allowing these shirts into the office.
Ned, who doesn’t know what he’s talking about, has twisted my words and so he is fired because I always win, it’s just what I do, I win so much.
Thank you for your time and please get back towork, you dopes. — Larry Thompson, CEO (the best) To: Staff From: Ned Anderson Subject: RE: LoserNed Anderson is wrong, and dumb
I see Lyin’ Larry has gone on another of his rants, trying to makeme look bad when it’s his stupid policies — and they are really just the stupidest— that are destroying Hawaiian-shirt Friday.
What a loser. Larry is very unpopular and hated by so many people that it’s just kind of sad. I mean, I feel bad for him, almost. I don’t, but I could. But I don’t. He’s a lying sleaze.
Look at the people around him. Like CFO Andrea Higgins. She’s a piece of work, isn’t she? I call her Crazy Andrea, because she is actually crazy. Many have told me that very thing. And she says she loves Hawaiian shirt Friday but then does everything she can to undermine it. She does not want to make Hawaiian shirt Friday Great Again like I do. Such a loser.
Lyin’ Harry and Crazy Andrea are too stupid to trust with Hawaiian-shirt Friday. Believe me. BELIEVE ME! I know. — Ned Anderson, VP human resources (no VP is better) To: Staff From: Andrea Higgins Subject: RE: RE: Loser Ned Anderson is wrong, and dumb
WOW! Now we’ve got Know-Nothing Ned feeding us more of his lies, lies, lies. That’s all that guy does, he lies. And I think he does it because he lacks stamina and strength.
You can see it, if you look at videos of Ned, and you talk to people who are saying lots of things, he just doesn’t lookwell. He’s weak. I don’t knowwhat’s going on but there seems to be something there. I mean he’s never around, when was the last time hewas here on Hawaiian-shirt Friday?
And those hands. So small. Sad. Larry is right about these foreign Hawaiian shirts that are finding their way into the office. I saw Don Langston from accounting wearing a very foreign looking Hawaiian shirt and it made me feel very unsafe. Very unsafe. Not good. — Andrea Higgins, CFO (none better, I’m told) To: Staff From: Don Langston Subject: RE: RE: RE: Loser Ned Anderson is wrong, and dumb
I have never worn a Hawaiian shirt towork. We don’t even have Hawaiian shirt Friday. Please takeme off this mailing list, I have work to do. — Don
In the interest of bipartisanship, I’d also like you to consider a company run by people who behave like Democratic presidential nominee Hillary Clinton:
To: Staff From: Janet King Subject: All-staff email memo missing
Does anyone have a copy of the memo I emailed to the staff yesterday. I deleted mine. — Janet To: Staff From: JohnMcClaren Subject: RE: All-staff email memo missing
Mine has been deleted as well.
— John To: Staff From: CindyHarris Subject: RE: RE: All-staff email memo missing Cindy here with IT, I deleted that memo off our server per Janet King’s instruction. — Cindy To: Staff From: Janet King Subject: RE: RE: RE: Allstaff email memo missing I never gave an order to delete that memo. And what’s a “server”? — Janet To: Staff From: CindyHarris Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: All-staff email memo missing
Yes you did. I have a copy of the email right here. It says: “Please delete staff memo off secret private server.” — Cindy To: Staff From: Janet King Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: All-staff email memo missing
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So there you have it, folks. If you’re looking for workplace leadership guidance, I strongly recommend you turn toward the 2016 presidential campaign— and then do the exact opposite of what those folks are doing.