Sisters’ animosity bristles family ties

DearAmy: There is a lot of animosity and competitiveness between my sister and me. I don’t trust her with my feelings because I always get hurt. I have started feeling invisible.

My sister recently had a baby girl, the first grandchild. She never sends me pictures but sends them to others, hasn’t invited me to see my niece, and phases me out fromthe family.

But what is bothering me is that my parents are phasing me out, too. They send me a text every now and then to see how I’m doing, buttheynever visitme(I live eight hours away).

I am visiting their beach house for a short stay. I tried to plan the trip around their availability, but they are always busy. When I asked them if they would be around, they said they were going to visit my sister. I didn’t realize I’d become so irrelevant when my sister had her baby. Am I being selfish?— Upset

Dear Upset: You aren’t being selfish to want a relationship. The trick is howto have it when you feel so alienated.

It is every family member’s right and responsibility to respectfully express their honest feelings, regardless of what the response might be. I suggest you do this with your parents, rather than let this continue to fester. They may read your independence as a lack of interest. You should tell your parents that you understand they are busy, but that you really want them to be in your life in a more active way. Ask them if there are things you could do differently to make this possible, and ask them to accommodate your modest needs, too. I don’t think you should frame this in a way that calls their relationship with your needier sister into question, but simply ask for what you want.

You should also attempt to have a relationship with your young niece, even if your sister makes this extra-challenging.

Readers can send email to askamy@amydickinson.com.