Tone matters when you’re ‘hangry’
Dear Miss Manners: My family and I like to go to a restaurant with great food. More than a couple of times, we have not been waited on for quite a while after being seated. Most recently, a member of the waitstaff finally came to our table and asked, “How are you doing tonight?”
I replied, “Not great. We have not waited on yet.”
My daughter thought I was rude. What do you think? What should I have said instead?
Gentle Reader: they did ask.
“I am afraid that we are terribly thirsty and hungry. I wonder if you could help us with that,” said in as soft and genuine a tone as you can muster, is both accurate and polite. It is the “soft” part that Miss Manners fears was missing in your own reply.
Dear Miss Manners: I have an RSVP card that reads, “Please indicate the number attending.” Can you please tell me: When completing this form, in the instance that one of us (my husband) will be attending and I will not, do we mark “1” by “graciously accepts” and another “1” by “regretfully declines”? Or only the “1” that will be that been Well, attending? And do complete the blank the name with only husband’s name?
Gentle Reader: This confusing word- and number-play is yet another example of a so-called convenience gone awry.
Response cards are a pathetic attempt to ensure a prompt response from guests — which still most often fails. As much as you may regret the paper waste, the proper — and in this case, infinitely easier — thing to do would be to write a handwritten note on actual stationery that clearly answers the question, rather than awkwardly tries to fit it into a prewritten form. “Mr. Dabney Polite-Person accepts with pleasure the kind invitation of Mr. and Mrs. WantsAResponse. Ms. Isabelle Polite-Person regrets exceedingly that she will be unable to attend.”
As a concession, and in the interest of saving postage, Miss Manners will allow this note to be stuffed into any pre-addressed envelope along with the original card. But that does not mean she will like it. we for my
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