Teacher’s death triggers accusation

Dear Amy: A few years ago, one of my former school teachers died suddenly and unexpectedly.

We were all surprised and saddened by this occurrence.

I recently posted a memory about him on the anniversary of his death.

Not too long after, a former classmate reached out to me asking me to call her. She informed me that the teacher had molested her and that it went on for quite some time.

I believe her because I recall feeling back then that something was off about their interactions.

I am now in charge planning a class reunion.

One person on the committee has expressed a desire to pay homage to deceased teachers and classmates. This teacher’s absence would be conspicuous. I know what happened to my classmate is not common knowledge. I do not want to include this man in a memorial.

How should I address this with my committee? — Worried

Dear Worried: My understanding from your question is that you don’t want to bring up this allegation to others in the group because (at least in part) it would violate the privacy of this teacher’s victim.

You should ask the fellow classmate who reached out to you for guidance regarding this memorial: Would she be comfortable if others included him in the memorial to other teachers?

I shared your question with a spokesperson at The Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN.org), who responds: “It’s important to respect every survivor’s privacy. Instead of telling your committee about your classmate’s allegations, offer an alternative suggestion, like explicitly honoring the deceased students, not the faculty, and then offering a moment of silence for beloved teachers, without naming names.”

Readers can send email to askamy@amydickinson.com. of