Cutting remarks can cause kerfuffle

Dear Amy: My wife and I are friendly with a couple who have two children under age 10.

Both adults are seriously overweight. The mother has stated, in fact, that she knows she is a “big girl,” which (of course) is her business.

The problem is that the bad eating habits of the parents are beginning to affect the children. Both of the youngsters are now also overweight, but not yet obese.

We are very close to the grandparents, who are trying to convince the overweight mom to be more careful when feeding the children, but their efforts have been in vain. The overweight mom tells them simply to mind their own business.

I’m inclined to tell the parents that they must help the children to keep their weight down. Such a remark will cause a major kerfuffle, but I don’t care. What do you think? — Want to Intervene

Dear Want to: I think that stating the obvious to these parents will make you feel triumphant — as if you have done something smart and necessary.

You know that this remark could cause a kerfuffle and interrupt your relationship with both the parents and grandparents. Yet you seem to operate under the assumption that your point of view is meaningful to this family, which, at least from where I sit, seems pretty arrogant.

Let me know how things turn out.

Dear Amy: Responding to “Unappreciated Stepmom,” you say teenagers shouldn’t be grateful? I drove a school bus and I can tell you for certain that there are grateful teenagers. This teen should be grateful for having even a broken family who cares enough to worry about her.

This man should be grateful to have a wife who cares enough to write you a letter seeking advice.

This stepmom should be grateful to have been given a chance to help a child and affect change.

I usually agree with your advice, but you muffed this one. — Jill

Dear Jill: Thank you. There are definitely grateful teenagers.

But in this case, her stepmother expected gratitude for basically putting a roof over the teen’s head.

I feel optimistic that the gratitude will come later.

Send email to askamy @amydickinson.com.