Spare Marlins’ home run sculpture — or at least give it a fitting send-off
Derek Jeter and Miami-Dade politicians feel increasingly compelled to rid Marlins Park of its funky home run sculpture, and I feel increasingly compelled to warn them all:
You’ve reached my breaking point.
Sure, dump Giancarlo Stanton. Sure, trade Marcell Ozuna and Dee Gordon. It’s understandable even to grant outfielder Christian Yelich the trade he desires and catcher J.T. Realmuto, Justin Bour and Marlins Man the trades they’ll soon desire.
If you’re going to tear down the team, don’t tear it down halfway.
Just don’t tear down this sculpture. Not that. This is the one thing — the only thing — former owner Jeffrey Loria got right. If legendary baseball promoter Bill Veeck had that idea, the sculpture would be in the Hall of Fame.
But since Loria did, some remaining Marlins fans, Jeter and politi-
cians act like they want to throw a rope over it and yank it down, Saddam Hussein-statue style. Which should be the idea, by the way, if they approve its removal.
If it has to come down, let it be an event. Let video go viral. Let the teardown be some sort of therapeutic venting of the baseball despot going away (OK, going away with the $1.2 billion sales price in his pocket, but you get the idea).
And then sink it offshore as an artificial reef.
Still, my hope is this landmark home run sculpture stays. It’s odd. It’s quirky. It’s downright kooky, if you open your mind enough. And, yes, it’s nothing like you’d find in baseball cathedrals like Fenway Park or Wrigley Field. So what?
You wouldn’t want every ballpark to have such a gaudy piece. Nor would you want every artist to be Gaudi. Or every meal to be Skittles. Or every color to be magenta.
There’s a place for this here, though. This is the very place, too. That statue is a perfect fit for South Florida. It brings some Art Deco-eccentric and unconventional imagination to a game that should be overrun by fun like this.
There, I said it. The sculpture is fun.
“Fun?” Stanton said this summer during All-Star Weekend when I said that. “You think that’s fun?”
How is it not fun to look at? It’s even more fun when you see, as the Marlins website reads, “jumping marlins, a pair of flamingos that flap their wings, jetting streams of water and rolling ocean waves that activate when Marlins home runs are hit.”
“I hope that thing never comes on again,” Stanton said.
That could happen, too. Even if it stays, the Marlins might not hit a home run, the way this lineup could look come April. But that’s another in the be-carefulwhat-you-wish-for department.
This is about Saving Our Sculpture. This is serious. This might require another Jeter town hall meeting, another wave of fans who said they would return when Loria sold saying they won’t return until Jeter sells and another Dan LeBatard grilling of MLB Commissioner Rob Manfred.
You’d think at some point Manfred steps in and steers Jeter from this pernicious road against landmark art. Or offers a compromise by putting it in the Hall of Fame. But the “best interests of baseball” clause needs to be used and fast when you see the larger issue.
Michael Spring, a senior aide to Miami-Dade Mayor Carlos Gimenez, pointed out the intricate concerns in moving the sculpture.
“There’s water, there’s hydraulics, there’s lights,” he said. “This is a pretty complicated public artwork. To uninstall it and reinstall it so it works, it’s very complicated. Nothing is impossible if you understand the financial implication.” Do you hear that? This is about dollars. Jeter doesn’t have the money to keep Jack McKeon and Jeff Conine as greeters, much less Stanton, Ozuna and (probably) Yelich as outfielders. But he’ll dig deep to rid the ballpark of a beloved sculpture?
Does that make any sense? Are you with me now? And, if it still goes against my wishes, I only hope they do it right. I hope they play President Reagan’s speech before the fall of the Berlin Wall — “Tear down this wall!” And then have fans throw ropes over it and yank it down?
I know a perfect spot for it offshore in 30 feet of water.