Avoid lecture; donate baby items

Dear Miss Manners: Since announcing my first pregnancy to close friends and family, I have been inundated with offers of free baby equipment.

I don’t want to appear ungrateful, but I was looking forward to the experience of getting everything new, plus I am an older mother and able to provide for myself better than I would have been a decade ago. Aside from that, I am unfamiliar with a lot of these supplies and don’t know if I want them, or if I have the space.

And to be honest, babies are messy and I don’t know that I want used items; I’d rather see them go to someone without means. My hesitation is usually followed up with an admonition that I’ll change my tune once I realize how expensive baby stuff is. How do I gracefully decline or rebuff these requests without offending?

Gentle Reader: Without explanation. You are only inciting a smug-parent war and, as you will see, your life will soon be filled with those.

“Thank you, no, I already have more than I need,” is a sufficient answer. But if these parents insist, Miss Manners recommends that you then discreetly donate the items or give them away, so as to avoid a lecture. Having your water break is also a good distraction.

Dear Miss Manners: I do vocational training with the cognitively disabled and people suffering from mental illness. When a co-worker came to me and said a client had asked her for candy, I told the client that it was not acceptable to ask people to give him candy, though he could accept candy if it were offered to him.

Was I too hard on the client? Is it acceptable to ask people to give you candy?

Gentle Reader: Only, it seems, if you preface it by saying, “Trick or treat!”

Since you are working with these clients on vocational skills, it seems to Miss Manners that teaching them practical behavioral and social practices would be at the top of that list. Doing it with kindness and a certain amount of indulgence, however, is obviously preferable.

Send questions to Miss Manners at her website, missmanners.com or email her at dearmissmanners @gmail.com.