HELP COPING:
Experts offer advice on how parents can talk to traumatized teens.
With the shooting at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, parents and children throughout South Florida are dealing with a frightening new reality.
Fears that might have seemed distant are now on our doorstep, and parents need to prepare to help their children process them, said Linda Close, a licensed mental health counselor based in Davie.
While younger children have likely been shielded from the tragedy, many older children have seen or heard the reports, and everyone is going to react differently, Close said. “Some are feeling very fearful, some are feeling probably angry, some are probably feeling nothing much at all but numbness. They are checking out.”
Confusion, frustration and sadness are also to be expected, she said, “and helpless. I think helplessness is going to be a big part of what they are feeling.”
First, limiting exposure to news coverage is really important. They more they hear it over and over, the more they are traumatized by the event, she said.
Parents should find out what children are feeling and how they are reacting to it and working through it, Close said. If they aren’t aware, when their children speak up and share, parents might get caught up in others’ emotions, and it will be hard for them to be objective. “Be aware of what you are thinking and feeling so you can separate that from your kids,” she said.
Ask your children what they are feeling about what happened. “If the child is expressing major concerns about not wanting to go back to school, it is important for parents to listen,” Close said. Ask them questions, such as “What scares you the most?”
“The questions help them think through and be able to release that energy,” she said.
Don’t rush your child, Close said. “It is hard for parents to see kids emotionally hurting, but if they try to work through emotions prematurely, kids won’t feel listened to and respected,” she said. “Don’t make your child feel silly or foolish. They feel what they feel.”
Parent should take ownership of kids’ electronics and limit exposure for children and younger teens, ages 13, 14 and 15, she said.
Parents have to be proactive about this, Close said. “They get flooded with feelings when they see things over and over again. They’re also curious to know what’s going on. Each child has to learn their own limitations.”
If children are not able to set their own limits, parents could help them set those boundaries.
Parents should also encourage kids to reconnect with people who are safe at this time, such as family and good friends. “Trauma is when your whole security has been blown up. … You now know how vulnerable you are. They need to feel safe again. That’s why it is important to do a lot of talking, listening and reconnecting.”