Birthday party a disappointing bust

Dear Amy: I recently tried to hold a birthday party (for myself ) at my apartment. I sent out invitations a month before, and also notified people personally. Almost everyone responded positively in a “that sounds like fun” or “I’ll try to swing by” manner.

The only people to show up were my best friend and a roommate. Out of the 15 to 20 people who I honestly thought would try to make an appearance, two showed up to celebrate with me.

I realize that in the adult world, friendship is more about quality than quantity. My issue is that all these people responded in a positive manner to my invitations, yet no one showed. Only one or two people reached out after the fact to apologize.

I realize that people have lives. I’m just baffled that almost everyone in my life found other things to do. My heart is a little broken. I work with some of these people.

So far, I haven’t said anything to anyone, and it’s eating me alive! — Party of None

Dear Party of None: I feel you. I have hosted parties just like yours. Please understand that in this day and age, hosting anything — especially an event in your own home — is a socially courageous act, and I applaud you for trying.

This is NOT about you. I truly don’t think it is an indication of how well liked you are. This is about the insensitivity of others. Many work friends maintain a boundary that basically declares that the friendship ends at the office door. Something as personal as a birthday might send these social cowards scuttling. Others worry about being obligated to reciprocate. I don’t think you have anything to gain by bringing this up with them, however.

I hope you don’t let this keep you down. You might do better hosting a gathering in a bar or bowling alley. Because you’ve had this experience, I hope you will commit to showing up for people, or at least providing a timely and accurate RSVP.

Readers can send email to askamy@amydickinson.com.