Prompt preteen to interpret messages

Dear Amy: I am a 30-yearold woman with no children who is mentoring a 12-yearold girl in the Big Sisters program. “Sandie” is a great, strong-willed kid, who has been through the wringer, with a history of sexual abuse, etc. My question is about the kind of media she consumes.

She has never had any supervision and has unlimited access to a smartphone and the internet. As a result, her favorite music is the most intense kinds of “gangsta rap,” with shocking language. She loves horror and R-rated movies and her idols are all trashy reality/YouTube teens with prison records.

I have to keep myself from cringing. I want to be a good role model, and I do not want her to feel like I am putting down her favorite stuff.

Should I gently say anything? Should I just keep my mouth shut and nod neutrally? — No Kid Experience

Dear No Experience: Your mentor at Big Sisters may have specific recommendations for how to handle this. My view is that you should approach this the way parents the world over are forced to tackle media use — through paying attention and gentle inquiry, and by exposing this adolescent to more positive messages.

When “Sandie” shows you something, you can ask her, “What do you like about this?” “What is it about?”

Encourage her to interpret what she is consuming. You can also share your own reaction: “When I hear this, it sounds like they are putting down girls because it is violent and negative.”

Encourage her to express herself through writing slam poetry, rap, or whatever medium speaks to her.

Fortunately, there are more positive media messages for kids to consume.

Most importantly, you should do things together don’t involve media use. two that

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