Jilted bride off the hook on payback
Dear Miss Manners: My daughter was engaged to a young man who wanted a big wedding. They both saved to pay for it, but in practice, the burden of organizing and paying deposits fell on my daughter, with the expectation that later they would either join their finances or he would reimburse her.
Two months before the wedding, he ran off with a pregnant girlfriend. My daughter is now overwhelmed by the emotional fallout and financial obligations. I volunteered to notify guests about the cancellation.
Some guests, mostly on our side of the family, complained about nonrefundable plane tickets and demanded that we reimburse them. What is our obligation to these people? We are not in dire financial straits, but neither are they, and I feel that all financial support I can muster should be going to my daughter.
Emotionally, I am appalled that so many relatives and friends saw fit to complain and demand more from us instead of offering any words of support to my daughter. The only words that were offered were along the lines of, “I am sorry about your wedding, but can I have a few hundred dollars to cover my canceled plane ticket and my new dress?” I cannot see this situation as anything other than them showing their true colors, and I don’t want a relationship with them anymore.
Gentle Reader: It never ceases to amaze Miss Manners how, even under the best circumstances, weddings consistently bring out the worst in people.
While your relatives behaved abhorrently, they may be rebelling against the circus-like atmosphere and financial outpouring that modern weddings typically incur.
That does not condone their callous behavior; it just produces in Miss Manners a shred of sympathy for most wedding guests.
You have no financial obligation to these people, other than returning any presents. If you wanted to address your family and friends’ travel concerns, you could have hosted a gathering in the wedding’s stead. But there is no reason to do so now for such unfeeling people.
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