Be discreet, polite, without interfering

Dear Amy: My son married a lovely young woman, “Sarah,” but since the wedding, my husband and I never see him. We are invited to see the couple only at her parents’ house.

This would not be an issue if not for the fact that before the wedding, our daughter-in-law’s father, “Stan,” reached out to my husband and asked for help to quash a revenge porn issue initiated by the boyfriend of a woman he was having an affair with (Stan was cheating on his wife).

My husband was stunned and further insulted when Stan asked him not to tell me about this (we don’t keep secrets from one another).

Long story short, my husband’s advice was for Stan to come clean with his wife and daughters. He did not.

I cannot stomach socializing with this creep.

I am reluctant to tell my son the truth about why his father and I do not want to go to his inlaws. Can you help? — Mom with Morals

Dear Mom: First of all, I hope that you invite your son and daughter-in-law to your home. Frequently, it seems that young wives dictate the couple’s social calendar, and so you should carve out some reasonable time with them — because this dynamic will only grow stronger if they decide to have children.

For now, you and your husband could tell your son, “Dad and I had a conflict with ‘Stan’ right before your wedding. Because of that, we want to keep some distance for now. We absolutely love ‘Sarah,’ and don’t want to create any problems for you, but we’re going to lay low.”

There is no need for you to disclose anything further about the nature of this conflict. Your son might go to “Stan” and ask about it, and if so, Stan will likely lie about the episode. Do you then want to pull out your text messages to prove his guilt? (I wouldn’t.) He’s a creepy slime ball, but he is your daughter-in-law’s father, and it is not up to you to “out” him. He’ll out himself (or one of his girlfriends will) soon enough.

Simply be discreet, politely distant and supportive of this young couple, without interfering in her family’s life.

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