Get sister’s undies off the davenport

Dear Amy: I am the oldest of three sisters. I’ve worked hard all my life, pursued my career, saved my money and had a second marriage to a successful man.

My youngest sister married a physician and is financially stable.

Our middle sister married and had three great children.

However, she and her husband got a divorce, and he was sporadic with child support. She always struggled to make ends meet.

We are all in our 60s now and her kids are out of the house, but she still struggles with finances, because she never had a nest egg.

My sister’s 25-year-old dryer died. She was hanging clothes everywhere to dry.

I could easily help her, but she is not frugal like I have been. She gets Botox, buys art work and jewelry and in general makes poor choices.

I think I would resent it if I gave her the money to buy a dryer and then saw a beautiful new rug at her house.

I can’t be honest and tell her how I feel, because she won’t change and would only hide her purchases.

I feel guilty, because I am so blessed and don’t have money worries, and she is drying her underwear in her family room. Please help. — Frugal Older Sister

Dear Frugal: If it hurts you to see your sister hanging her clothing around the house to dry, then you could treat yourself to an extravagance that would make YOU feel better: a dryer for her. Ask, “Do you want a new dryer? Because I’d like to get you one.” And then buy the dryer, have it delivered and hooked up and feel good about this act of kindness, without any expectations.

Your generosity will not pave the way for your sister to make better financial choices in the future. Nor will it lock you into a lifetime of ongoing financial support. A new dryer will only get your sister’s undies off of the davenport.

Readers can send email to askamy@amydickinson.com or letters to “Ask Amy” P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY, 13068.