Guy’s lies lead straight to gym
Dear Amy: My boyfriend and I have been together for three years. We decided to make some major sacrifices in order to pay off debt and save up for a house. This includes driving junky cars and moving in with his parents.
He and I were both working out with a personal trainer. I quit the training because I found a cheaper option. My boyfriend decided to start seeing the trainer three times per week. I think this is irresponsible, considering we are in saving mode right now. This is why my boyfriend decided to cover it up and lie about it — badly.
I caught on pretty quickly, but rather than be accusatory, I simply told him that if he wants to see the trainer three times per week to not feel as though he has to hide it. Today I found his gym clothes crumpled up and hidden. I confronted him and he came clean.
Amy, I am really upset. He told me he was lying to protect my feelings. How can I trust him moving forward? Am I being controlling? As he said, it’s just the gym, after all, it’s not like he cheated on me. — Out of Shape
Dear Out of Shape: Your boyfriend sounds like a bit of a baby. You gave him an out, and instead of coming clean, he doubled down on his lie.
Honestly, taking good care of oneself and maintaining fitness is a good idea — even when you’re trying to economize. But your guy’s choice to watch you stop, while secretly increasing his own training, is selfish and immature. He didn’t lie to protect your feelings; he lied to protect his own.
I don’t believe this one episode is a deal breaker, but try to put this in context by taking a long-view look at your relationship: Are you always in charge? Are you the “responsible” one? Do you feel like you are parenting him?
If so, then understand that this is not a great dynamic for either of you. Your control will infantilize him, and his immaturity will make you even more in charge. Healthy relationships thrive on balance — you are good at some things, he is good at others. You take care of one another, admit mistakes and strive to do better.
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