Be responsible; stick with the plan

Dear Amy: I am in a long-distance relationship with a lovely man that I met when we were in school.

After graduation, he had to return to his country of origin because he was unable to get a work visa.

He is unhappy with his work, and wants to quit, move here, marry me and work on getting his visa while I support him financially.

The problem is that I have two kids and a very low-paying job at the moment (I’m an intern at a local mental health agency.)

I can’t support and he can’t work without a visa.

I’m content to have each of us work at our respective careers until I can either actually support him financially, or until he reaches a point in whatever career he chooses that he can get a work visa here in his own right.

He tells me that he doesn’t know how much longer he can live with this situation, but I have a career to launch and two kids to raise.

Is it reasonable that I don’t want to jeopardize my financial and career future when it feels like I him, here might actually be enabling him to commit career suicide?

He has said that he might have to look for jobs in other countries, etc., and I understand this and support him in doing what he needs to do.

The way I see it, if he gets a job in his chosen career path, it will make him more employable anywhere, including where I live.

Again, I’m OK with staying the course until we are both better established. I don’t want to be unsupportive, but I have finances and children to consider.

Does this sound reasonable? — Wondering

Dear Wondering: Yep, you’re good. Your guy seems to be dangling the prospect of him moving here and entering into a convenient marriage while you support him, as if that situation were somehow a shiny bauble, instead of a very heavy lift.

Your reaction and plan of action is prudent, reasonable and responsible. Stick with it.

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