Single mom needs new church family
DearAmy: Iwas a stayat-homemom with three children. I lived comfortably, and my husband always took care of the finances. We were members of a nice church where we’d tithe 15 percent of our income and donate large sums on top of that. I agreed withmy husband and our pastor that thiswas important.
Well, myhusbandblew through our money, cheated on me with a younger woman and left meand the children.
I reached out to the church for help, but am now receiving the cold shoulder. No sympathy, no kindness — nothing. I’ve heard whispers from former friends that I’m a cheapskate because I can no longer afford to tithe large sums.
These people were my friends. A couple of the congregants are my son and daughters’ godparents, and now they are treating me like dirt, because not only am I a single mother in the midst of a divorce, but I can’t shell out money the waywe used to because I need to feedmy kids and pay insurance on my old car.
I took a job as a cleaning lady to make ends meet. I even had to move back in with my mother after all of this.
This is breaking my heart, because I really love this church, but I don’t understand this cruelty. I was the one who was wronged here. In themeantime, myhusband and his newfiancee are still members there, and they welcome him with open arms.
I amata loss as to what to do here. Can you offer any guidance? — Heartbroken
Dear Heartbroken: You need to find a new church. Everything you report is a reflection of how institutions run, but not howspiritual communities should ideally operate. People should not be stigmatized when circumstances change. Thosewho are needy, and hurting, should find solace, assistance and recognition of their struggles in their spiritual home.
This is a pastoral matter, and it would be brave (and appropriate) for you to bring this to the pastor of your church.
None of this should have any bearing on your faith. Readers can send email to ask amy@ amy dickinson .com or letters to “Ask Amy” P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY, 13068.