Wronged wife blames cellphones, society

Dear Amy: I learned via text message that my husband is in a relationship with another woman.

He made the mistake of sending a text to me, instead of the woman he is having an affair with.

After more than 20 years of marriage, every person we know is stunned by this.

I am absolutely LIVID with this woman and have every intention of letting her know how this affected me, and what it’s going to do to her husband when he finds out (which he will, as she will eventually make the same mistake as my husband made).

I am also LIVID at cell phones and what they’ve done in our society.

My husband would not have been able to “hide” this relationship without the cell phone.

I would love to know what other people have done when confronted with this. — Devastated Wife

Dear Devastated: I think your reasoning may be faulty. Your husband’s cell phone use is what concealed, but eventually revealed, his affair.

Don’t blame the phone; blame the guy using the phone.

Before cell phones, the clandestine method of communicating with an affair partner would have been landlines, and before that, the printed letter, etchings, stone carvings and smoke signals. People got caught then, too.

You blaming cell phones for your husband’s behavior is a classic “shoot the messenger” reaction.

I hope that you and your husband can communicate about his choices, as well as talk about your relationship. Your marriage might recover from this, if you are both willing to try.

I do agree on an important point: If a partner is hiding their cell phone and won’t reveal who a call or text message is from, that is a red flag.