Ask sister to ‘stop spewing prejudice’

Dear Amy: Last year, my 16-year-old son came out as bisexual. My family has mainly been supportive.

The problem is my sister. She starts arguments with statements that are racist, homophobic, you name it.

My son was very afraid to tell her. He finally asked me to tell her, as he was tired of “pretending.”

I am planning an upcoming family party. When I told my sister about my son, her first comment was, “I’ve thought he was gay ever since he was in elementary school.” Her second comment was, “Wait, is he bringing a boyfriend to this? I don’t want my kids exposed to that sort of thing.”

At that point, I uninvited her from the family event. She claims I am being hateful. Any insights? — Mama Bear

Dear Mama Bear: I’m wondering why you and your son felt the need to disclose his sexuality to your homophobic sister. Do straight 16-year-olds need to declare their sexuality to family members?

The time for you to “protect” him would have been before this disclosure, by emphasizing that if he didn’t feel ready to disclose this, he shouldn’t have you do it.

Furthermore, you upped the ante by “uninviting” your sister and her kids to a family event. You should have said they are welcome to come, but that she doesn’t get to dictate who the other guests are. Your sister is not in charge of your party.

Now that you and your son have given your sister control over your personal lives, stop discussing it. If you want to spend time with her and her children, invite them to do things with you and show an interest in them. If she refuses, understand that she will simply have to get over herself.

If your sister has the gall to ask your son not to be gay in front of her children, you could ask her in return to stop spewing prejudice and hate. Readers can send email to askamy@amydickinson.com or letters to “Ask Amy” P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY, 13068.