Parents-to-be hope to avoid gender trap Finding the cause of soiled pants is key Wise up, don’t fall Virgo, for a trick

Dear Amy: My husband and I are expecting our first baby and want to avoid hyper-gendered baby trappings. Our goal is to minimize sexism in our parenting and to talk to boys about their feelings, and tell girls they are smart and capable. How can we best communicate this to our families?

We’ll soon have results from the mid-pregnancy ultrasound where sex is usually discovered. Also, we could accidentally use a gendered pronoun.

Would it be best to simply let everyone know our preference for gender-neutral items? Could we tell them we’re keeping the sex a secret for now, and why? Or would it be best to just tell the sex, try our best to say thank you for all gifts (no matter how awful) and quietly discard or donate the ones we find gender biased?

How should we handle sexism issues that may arise later? — Modern Parents

Dear Modern Parents: As a society, we are currently in the process of rethinking the binary understanding of gender. And so your baby may be assigned a sex at birth, but may develop anywhere along a gender spectrum.

When people ask you the baby’s gender, you can say, quite truthfully, “We’ll see!” If people want some direction regarding gifts, you could say, “We’re painting the room yellow. Anything with animals on it might be fun.”

I applaud your desire to keep your unborn child’s sex, private.

In the grand tick-tock leading up to a baby’s birth, it is both natural and wise to talk about these important issues, but I hope you will also absorb this basic truism: Life might be perfect, if it weren’t for other people.

Your primary role in your child’s life is to explain the world. And sometimes the best explanation is, “It’s complicated.”

Readers can send email to askamy@amydickinson.com or letters to “Ask Amy” P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY, 13068.

Dear Dr. Roach: I hope you can help elderly folks (like myself, age 83) who have a very embarrassing situation wherein their stool seeps out of them. The problem is only noted when I sit down and find that my underwear sticks to me. The problem appears to happen anytime, and sometimes AFTER a bowel movement. — R.C.

Fecal incontinence is a far more common problem than often realized, partially because many people are too embarrassed to even mention it to their doctors. As people get older, it becomes more prevalent, as there are additional risk factors, especially people with diarrhea, diabetes and women who on hormone replacement.

There are many possible causes for fecal incontinence, and successful treatment depends on finding the underlying cause. However, I can recommend some general advice that will help many cases.

The first is that if stools are very hard, taking fiber or a stool softener may solve the problem. Constipation is a frequent, unrecognized and counter-intuitive reason for this problem. Conversely, liquid stools are much more likely to pass involuntarily, so fiber or an antidiarrheal medicine are helpful in people with frequent loose or liquid bowel movements. Often, the problem is a decrease in nerve function in the area, both the sensory part (alerting you to the need to defecate) and the motor part (properly holding the sphincter closed when it needs to be). The fact that you are often unaware of this happening suggests a problem with sensation.

Caffeine and sugars, which are hard for some people to digest, should be avoided to see if that helps.

A gastroenterologist is the person to see for this if treatment fails. This may include an endoscopic evaluation of the rectum and measurements of the pressures in the anus and rectum. Many people don’t get help because they are embarrassed to ask for it .

Write to Dr. Roach at ToYourGoodHealth @med.cornell.edu

Today’s Birthday: Family fun, love and romance recur as themes this year. Group priorities may change. Support each other through challenges.

To get the advantage, check the day’s rating: 10 is the easiest day, 0 the most challenging.

Cancer (June 21-July 22) (8) Follow a professional hunch. Consider long-range plans. Test what seems too good to be true before committing.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22) (8) Let your imagination be your guide. Studies flourish and explorations invite. Change is in the air.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) (7) Financial illusions fade; stick to facts. Don’t fall for a trick. Share your dreams with someone who can help achieve them.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22) (8) Shared dreams lead to deeper understanding. Partner with someone who gets it. Discuss long-desired objectives.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21) (8) It’s getting easier to advance now. Nurture your health and wellness. Take physical action to fulfill on a dream.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) (8) Prioritize fun, creativity and laughter. Rekindle hope. Embrace a fantasy or dream.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) (8) Enjoy the comforts of home. Make preparations for shared fun. Cook up something delicious for family and friends.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) (8) Investigate a fascinating subject. Ask probing questions. Explain a complicated theory. Use imagination.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20) (9) You can get the resources you need. Focus to realize a vision. Find creative ways to cut costs or reduce waste.

Aries (March 21-April 19) (9) You’re getting stronger today and tomorrow. Put your energy toward accomplishing a personal dream.

Taurus (April 20-May 20) (5) Take time to recharge. Find a peaceful sanctuary, and give in to dreaming. Create aspirations and plans.

Gemini (May 21-June 20) (8) Share what you’re learning as you pursue your vision. Studies and research provide valuable results.