Open door policy causes pool friction

“Dear Amy: I have three sisters-in-law. I have been a part of their family for 15 years. We all get along (for the most part).

Recently, my husband and I purchased a home. We have an open-door policy for people to come and use our pool. We also host family gatherings. At our latest gathering, I noticed two of his sisters wearing my clothes. One volunteered: “We were wet from the pool, and found these in your dryer.” I was assured that I would get the clothes back that night, but they were never returned.

Last weekend there was a birthday party and they made off with some towels.

I went to their home, and found a blanket that was given to me by my mother being used as a curtain in one of their bedrooms.

I know this is petty because at the end of the day, those things do not really matter. I do feel frustrated because people are violating my kindness.

People come over knowing they’re going swimming. Is it my responsibility to provide them with clothing and towels? — Put Upon

Dear Put Upon: If you truly believe that these material things don’t matter, then carry on. However, this does bother you, and it should because this is not about towels and blankets, but about boundaries and respect.

Casting liability issues aside, do you really want people having free rein to your home?

This would be fairly easy to fix but you would have to be willing to declare that when people come over, they are expected to bring their own clothes and towels. You might set up a “lost and found” basket system, where anything in the basket is fair game — otherwise — hands off.

The next time a sister-in-law asks to borrow something, say, “When you return my items to me, I’d be happy to lend you something else.”