Elderly mom literally ‘drives’ her kids crazy

Dear Amy: My mother is 89 years old. At 85, she declined to renew her driver’s license, acknowledging that it was time she stopped driving. However, she still has access to two cars and drives each around the block once a week to keep them running.

My siblings and I have told her that her behavior is irresponsible, illegal and dangerous, but she ignores it. She has developed contacts (friends, relatives, Uber) to transport her to activities, but last week she told one of my siblings, “I’m still driving the car around the block, and you’re not the boss of me.”

What is the best way to handle this? Should I call the police and report her? — Concerned Daughter

Dear Daughter: Do you know this for certain or is she merely telling you and your siblings that she is doing this to remind you that she is still in charge of her own life?

It is illegal for unlicensed drivers to drive — even around the block. Your mother knows this, and this choice shows poor judgment. Keeping up the registration and insurance on two cars seems a needless expense. You and your siblings have told her what to do — probably repeatedly. But have you asked her substantial and open-ended questions lately, and listened carefully to her answers? Just hear her out.

When she is done, respond compassionately: “I’m really so sorry, Mom. I can tell this is hard. You were always the wheels in the family! When I think of all those soccer practices and family vacations”

I’m asking you to help her let go. Don’t threaten her. You are not an 89-year-old woman. You don’t know what it feels like.

After a calmer encounter with her, use your own judgment about what to do. If you place a non-emergency call to the local police, an officer might just swing by to check on her and confirm that she is not driving — even around the block — without a license.