Infidelity flag flies over this household

Dear Amy: My boyfriend and I have lived together for four years. He is in his 20s and I am in my early 30s.

We are working and struggling to get by. I never had any problem trusting him until recently.

He suddenly started hiding his phone and going out more without me. He used to always just leave his phone lying around. I never even looked through his phone, but when he started hiding it, I felt like something was wrong. He also started mentioning a female co-worker.

I asked what was going on. He denies anything is happening. He let me see the phone, after he deleted all of his texts — sent and received.

I’m having a hard time believing him. I have a feeling something is going on, but I have no proof. It is hard for us to break up right now because we share a car. He also wouldn’t have a place to live. If he is not cheating, then I don’t want to break up.

If he is cheating, I want to break up, but I don’t want him to lose his job or housing if it’s just a workplace flirtation. I just don’t like the lying and hiding.

And if there is nothing going on (like he says), then why is he lying? — Confused

Dear Confused: Every red flag for infidelity — cellphone secrecy, going out more often without you and lying about his whereabouts — is flapping in the breeze. You seem to have taken on the burden of proving what your gut is telling you, as well as “working on things” to repair the relationship. But he’s the person who needs to work on things. Aside from denying that he is stepping out on you, is he working to rebuild trust?

Ask yourself if you want to stay in this relationship, even if nothing changes.

Your guy’s job, commuting problems and living arrangements are his problem. If you can’t afford to part, consider cohabitating as roommates, but not as a couple.