Online relationship might be a ‘catfish’
Dear Amy: I have been in a committed online relationship with a man in the UK for nearly two months, but two weeks ago, he disappeared.
I’m 25 and he is 27. I first got in contact with him selling something on eBay. Before this, we would talk for hours every day and we’d video call all the time.
We had so much in common! He made me laugh. He talked about flying out to New York to meet me.
He told me he struggled with depression and he’s been dealing with a lot, and that he needs to take some time to sort things out. I said I’m here for him and that I completely respect that he wants to take time off.
He said he tends to shut people out for a bit, but asked me not to take it personally. And now he’s gone. I tell myself that maybe he’s still taking his time? Maybe it’s all in my head? Could he be hurt? Dead?
At this point, I’m just worried. There’s no way to find out if he’s OK.
I just want to move on and accept that he’s gone (because this false sense of hope is killing me). What should I do? — Upset
Dear Upset: This man telegraphed that he would disappear. Depressed people tend to “go to ground” when they’re not feeling well. He told you this would happen, and asked you not to take it personally.
You only knew him for an intense six weeks, but you have never known him through a depressed cycle.
I must also point out the obvious — that this man might not be at all who or what you think he is. If you’ve ever watched the documentary series “Catfish,” you will know the risks of conducting onlineonly relationships.
Give yourself six weeks to adjust. Embrace this as a learning experience and ask yourself: if he contacts you again, do you want to hop back onto this roller coaster?
Dear Dr. Roach: I am a 91-year-old male. When I switched primary care physicians, my new doctor shook his head because my previous doctor had never told me about my low GFR readings and being borderline diabetic. I had assumed that if the doctor didn’t mention any low or high blood test results, everything must be OK. I no longer assume: I ask for a copy of the results and question them.
The new doctor referred me to a nephrologist. My blood pressure at the time was usually in the 130-140 over 60-70 range. He told me that for a person of my age, that was too low. He gave me a target of 159 over 89. Then on my next visit to primary care, I was told that my blood pressure was too high; I was prescribed losartan. I am testing my blood pressure daily, and the past few days it has been in the 170s. So, what is a good target for my blood pressure? Which doctor is correct? — A.L.
There is no absolute right answer to your question.
On one hand, overaggressive treatment of blood pressure in a 91-year-old is unnecessary and may lead to symptoms of lightheadedness, especially upon standing. Other blood pressure drugs may have additional side effects.
On the other hand, a 91-year-old has a higher risk for heart disease and stroke, and in someone with a low GFR reading (a measurement of kidney function) and borderline diabetes (which further increases the risk of heart attack and stroke), most experts would aim for a blood pressure goal that is closer to 120-130 over 80-85, as long as it isn’t causing annoying symptoms. I’m not clear why the doctor wasn’t happy with your usual blood pressure, since a level of 130-140 over 60s seems reasonable for a man your age if you aren’t having side effects. If 170 is the usual systolic pressure on your new regimen, I would ask about going back to the old one.