Widow in denial over married man

Dear Amy: I am a 51-year-old woman. My husband died two years ago.

I started talking to a man through one of the online games I play. It started out as mild flirtation. I asked him if he was married. He told me his marriage was basically over. He hadn’t felt anything for his wife in quite a while.

I thought that was a safe answer, and we decided to meet in person. I felt like we had known each other forever. We’ve “been together” for seven months, and he is still with his wife. He tells me he needs time to think about how to get out of his marriage without losing everything he’s worked hard for.

I have a 13-year-old daughter living at home.

My adult sons are happy that I found someone, but are not happy that he is married, obviously. I don’t think I am rebounding.

Everyone tells me that he won’t leave his wife, but he doesn’t even sleep with her. How long is too long to wait for someone to make up his mind? — Wondering Widow

Dear Wondering: When someone says his marriage is “basically over,” one response is: “Well, when it is over, I hope you’ll let me know.”

As it is now, he is “basically” committing adultery. This is not what good, steady, reliable, honest and loving people do.

If your daughter liked a guy in middle school who already had a girlfriend, would you tell her to charge ahead, regardless?

Are you modeling relationship behavior?

Because — make no mistake — she is watching.

Because you are willing to be in this relationship, he has little incentive to change his life.

This relationship seems to have pulled you back to life after your husband’s death. I hope you will take this experience and use it to meet other people who are more available to be in a fully committed relationship with you. positive