Be neutral in adult son’s life choices

Dear Amy: My 25-yearold, self-sufficient son decided to marry a 21-year-old young lady from the Philippines here on a work visa. She must return to her country in October. He has only known this person for less than three months.

I fear he is rushing into this decision to expedite her ability to return to the States and become a U.S. citizen, and to save the relationship.

In my opinion, distance does not make the heart grow fonder. Distance creates relationship difficulty.

I worry the young woman is just using him to get out of an impoverished life in her country. I understand these motivations. They might actually be in love, but they are rushing into this.

Women are his weakness. He feels incomplete without the affirmation/affection of a woman. As his father, what should I do?

Should I be supportive? Or should I distance myself from the situation? Neither choice feels right. — Upset Father

Dear Father: What were you doing at the age of 25?

Twenty-five-year-olds serve in the military, fight wildfires, start companies, run for office, choose their own romantic partners and become parents.

And yes, 25-year-olds can also make boneheaded choices.

“Parenting” someone this age is an exercise in frustration, as you struggle to detach from someone you have watched (and worried over) since birth.

Now, in adulthood, your son’s life choices have accelerated past your ability to understand and control them. And yet, his choices actually have nothing to do with you. You don’t need to necessarily celebrate or enable his decisions. Nor do you need to weigh in with your adult knowledge or instinct of how foolhardy this particular choice might be.

And yes, you should be supportive — or at least, neutral — regarding your son’s partner.