Adult child living at home has a choice

Dear Amy: My 22-year-old daughter has moved back home after graduating college. She has a job. Recently she let me know that I am not being respectful to her.

Every weekend she takes off for parts unknown (to me), with people also largely unknown (to me).

I text her in the morning and evening, just to check in.

She is highly offended and says I am not treating her like an adult.

She has said that until she can move out, I am forbidden to ask her where she’s going and who she is with.

I do not want to chase her away, and I will not pay rent on an apartment for her.

My husband avoids conflict and supports our daughter’s side. I’m asking for advice on how to save our relationship before it is ruined. — Wondering Mother

Dear Mother: You might be acting like a slightly overprotective parent, but your daughter is acting like a typical adolescent. The two of you should communicate about your mutual expectations.

For your daughter to be treated like an adult, then she should start behaving like one.

In my household, they know they are expected to provide a basic outline of where they are (for instance, in town, versus at Lollapalooza and a time frame of when they will be home.

This is mainly for security reasons but it is also simply polite to let the homeowner know what time someone might be entering the house.

No, you should not demand or expect your daughter to tell you who she is with.

Most importantly, should respond promptly text or call.

If she has been out all night and you text her in the morning, say, “I’m just checking in; are you good?” She should answer politely.

If she doesn’t like the terms and expectations of living at home, then she has an adult option: Move out. she to a

Dear Dr. Roach: A family friend has just been diagnosed with bile duct cancer. She is a breast cancer survivor and is 75 years old. The tumor is said to be the size of a quarter, and it was discovered after she complained of heartburn symptoms.

Are there screening tests that could have detected the condition before the heartburn symptoms? Are there things that she could have done to avoid the cancer? My family members are frightened and want to avoid her condition. — Anon.

Cholangiocarcinoma, cancer of the bile ducts, is a rare cancer associated with a high mortality rate. There are no symptoms in most people until it is advanced. Since the cancer is in the bile ducts, common symptoms are caused by obstruction of the bile ducts: jaundice (yellowing), generalized itching, dark urine and light-colored stools, abdominal pain, fever or weight loss.

Cholangiocarcinoma is not a disease that’s amenable for screening; it is rare in North America. Plus, screenings, such as blood tests and imaging studies, are not very sensitive, meaning the tests will miss cases and a positive result on the screening test does not necessarily mean cancer.

Other risk factors for cholangiocarcinoma are mostly beyond a person’s control: other liver diseases, parasites and genetic conditions. There is some evidence that obesity and diabetes increase the risk of this cancer; however, it does no good for you or your friend to look backward. Never blame the victim. She should concentrate on getting treated. I don’t have enough information to comment on her prognosis, but the fact that it was diagnosed early — apparently before obstruction of the bile ducts — and with a tumor only the size of a quarter, are favorable. Treatment may include surgery and chemotherapy (before or after surgery).

Today’s Birthday: Express and connect in conversation this year. Disciplined efforts get farther. Learn valuable skills through exploration.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) (8) Study new developments, and share your views. Passions may be high; look before leaping. Avoid arguments.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22) (9) Keep producing valuable work. Resist the temptation to throw your money around. Compute expenses.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21) (9) Wear your confidence like a power cloak. Stay objective in a tense situation. Don’t let a surprise dampen your enthusiasm.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) (5) Find a private hideaway for planning and review. Peace and quiet soothes sensitive emotions.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) (8) Your friends are your inspiration. Meetings, gatherings and public events produce valuable connections.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) (8) A professional opportunity merits attention. Compete for more responsibilities and benefits.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20) (8) Conditions look better for travel and exploration. Do your detective work. Research and sift through data.

Aries (March 21-April 19) (8) Collaborate for shared gain. New income is possible. Contribute for your family. Invest for the long term.

Taurus (April 20-May 20) (7) Breakdowns or obstacles could cause delays with a partner. Work out irritation with physical activity.

Gemini (May 21-June 20) (8) Focus on a rhythm that you can maintain. Slow to avoid accidents during moments of greater chaos.

Cancer (June 21-July 22) (8) Love can blossom over the next few days. Avoid impatience or anxiety. Stick to practical games and reliable methods.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22) (7) Use gentle pressure rather than force at home and with family. Make infrastructure repairs.