Babysitting preempts relationship time
Dear Amy: My lady friend, “Kate,” and I have been together for nine years. We both have grandkids from our marriages. We are active seniors and travel often. When go out to dinner several times weekly, and are fairly active socially.
When my grandkids came along, I made it perfectly clear that I’d be more than willing to babysit now and then if another sitter could not be found. I said I would not be a built-in sitter and would not commit to sitting on a set schedule.
Kate has four young grandkids. She babysits constantly for her daughters — weekdays, weekends, etc. They take advantage of her. This has disrupted our life together tremendously.
I find myself sitting home many nights alone. I deeply care for this person. How can I handle this tactfully? — Confused in Colorado
Dear Confused: You could mitigate some of your loneliness by diving in as a de-facto grandparent for these children, but you have already successfully created limits and boundaries with your own kids, demonstrating the limits to your interest in providing childcare for your own kin, not to mention someone else’s.
You don’t say whether “Kate” is complaining about her grandparenting duties. If she doesn’t like being the go-to granny for her daughters, then she should set boundaries, just as you have done.
You should talk to Kate, calmly and without complaining. Ask her if she is willing to set aside inviolate “couple time” where you and she can count on being together. Is she willing to clear every Monday, Wednesday, Friday and Sunday evening for you two? Is she willing to ever say no to a lastminute sitting request?
If she isn’t willing to prioritize any of her time — for her and for you — then you should find worthwhile things to do on your own.
Dear Dr. Roach: I am 82 years old and still very active. I have had an irregular heartbeat for four years, and sometimes I feel lightheaded, dizzy or tired. I worry about it getting worse. Please give a detailed explanation about irregular heartbeat, including how or why it happens. Is it life threatening? Will it get worse or become atrial fibrillation?
Also, I am a chocolate lover and eat dark chocolate every day. But I was told that cocoa will make my irregular heartbeat worse and that I should stop eating dark chocolate. Is it true? — Q.Y.
Everyone has irregular heartbeats from time to time. Early beats can come from electrically active areas anywhere in the heart, and an electrocardiogram can tell whether they are from the atria (the top chambers) or the ventricles (the bottom chambers) of the heart.
An average person may have 500 or so of these a day — some many more. I can reassure you that, in most cases, it turns out to be nothing to worry about.
However, since you are having symptoms, especially lightheadedness and fatigue, it is a warning sign, and I recommend you get an evaluation. Start with your regular medical provider, after which you may be referred to a cardiologist. The EKG is a first step, but you may need a longer evaluation, such as wearing a 24-hour EKG (a Holter monitor) or newer technologies that allow longer readings.
Atrial fibrillation is a concern, and most people need treatment to reduce stroke risk or to return the rhythm to normal. There are other kinds of irregular heart rhythms, and you need a diagnosis first.
Chocolate does contain a substance that can make the heart a little more irritable, but it takes a lot of chocolate to have a significant effect. It’s related to caffeine in coffee.