Bride-to-be stuck in ‘planning paralysis’

Dear Amy: My fiance and I have started planning our wedding. I have four brothers; my fiance has two brothers. Both of his brothers are married. I am not necessarily close with their wives, but I was a bridesmaid in their weddings, although I was placed as the last individual on the line.

Should I choose to include these women as my bridesmaids, and ask my fiance to include my four brothers as his groomsmen? We had originally planned to have no wedding party, but I don’t want to hurt any family members’ feelings.

I had also thought to just have my brothers stand with me, and his brothers stand with him, or have my mother and cousin stand up with me.

My sisters-in-law love me, and I love them. But if I choose to exclude them, am I setting the stage for angst and hurt for years to come? We are paying for this wedding ourselves and trying to keep costs down. I don’t know what to do, and no one around me can offer sound advice without airing their personal feelings. — Too Many Siblings

Dear Too Many: Your own reaction to the honor when you were twice asked to be a bridesmaid — to complain because you were placed “last on the line” — reveals how seriously some people take these wedding honors/duties.

You are overthinking this, and seem torn between serving your own wants (not to have attendants), versus your perceptions of how tenderly people respond to being asked, or excluded, from the wedding party.

Because I don’t think you are capable of handling the complications involved with making actual choices and managing this social burden confidently, I think you and your guy should go it alone, and ask your brothers and their spouses/partners to enjoy being honored guests.