Mother takes in her daughter’s friend

Dear Amy: We have had a 13-year-old staying with us for four months. She came home with our daughter and asked if she could stay for a week, and we were very happy that she stayed on.

Now her 23-year-old sister wants to have her leave our home and live with her and her boyfriend. The problem is they can’t make ends meet.

I have seen this child grow and come out of her shell since she has lived with us.

She brings a lot of joy to our home. I feel like her leaving would break a part of me that is already wounded.

I told the girl we are in her corner either way. And she says she enjoys the stability of our home. What should I do? — Devastated Mom

Dear Mom: I applaud your actions. However, I’m also concerned by your indication that this girl is filling some sort of deep hole in your own life.

Perhaps you have survived a tragedy, and this young person’s presence is helping you to heal. This is a blessing for everyone. But this child has needs, too, and you must not add to her burden by assigning her the responsibility of healing your adult wounds.

You don’t mention this girl’s parents or if she is living with you without her parents’ permission. You could be in legal jeopardy for harboring her.

You are absolutely right to let her know that you are in her corner. You should meet with the girl’s older sister and that young woman’s boyfriend to try to discern if they can provide a safe environment and are really equipped to handle this responsibility. Can they ensure that the child will get to school each day? Can they afford to have her with them (it sounds as if they can’t).

If the girl chooses to live with them, you should stay connected. Perhaps you could take her to school some mornings, provide her with homework help after school or have her with you on the weekends.

Leave your door open.