Couple wants to influence nephew

Dear Amy: My husband and I are childless by choice. We have one nephew — a delightful 5 year old. We love spending time with him.

He is, however, “spoiled” by the fact that he regularly receives toys from his parents in exchange for good behavior.

I am concerned with what lies ahead. He has already figured out that he can get what he wants by bargaining with his parents.

I would like him to learn empathy and charity, but I’m at a loss as to how. Last Christmas my husband and I bought him one toy and made a colorful “certificate” for him, informing of a donation we made in his name to a local charity.

How do I help to guide him toward a more charitable future? — Auntie Em

Dear Auntie: One of the many joys of being an aunt/ uncle is that you can influence the children in your life, without facing the daily challenges of learning how to be a parent. It can be a lofty perch, so I hope you don’t judge your nephew’s parents too harshly.

You can inspire a message of love, generosity and charity. How can your nephew be a good friend? He can share, take turns and demonstrate kindness and empathy. You should foster and encourage him in this regard.

This Christmas season help him to find a toy and take it to your local Toys for Tots collection bin. Let him put it inside the bin, and talk to him about how excited the child who receives it will be. Have him pick out some cat and dog food to take to your local shelter, so the animals will have good food to eat.

Help him to make tree ornaments to give to his parents and grandparents. Let him help you make banana bread to take to a neighbors’ house.

These simple acts are all ways to demonstrate your values without being too heavy handed.