Abused husband: ‘Why do we stay?’

Dear Amy: Why do we stay with our abusers? I don’t know what the statistics are for men that are abused by women, but I am one of them.

My wife was on the receiving end of abuse from her family while growing up. I asked her once if she knew how she could deal with her anger, and she replied, “Get rid of my husband.” I never know what I might do or say to set her off.

I heard Dennis Rainey speak several years ago, and one of the things he mentioned to be a better lover of your wife is, “To love the pain of the past out of her.” At some point, doesn’t she need to love that pain out of herself?

I’m tired and want

— Who Am I?

Dear Who Am I?: An estimated 1 in 10 men are in an abusive intimate relationship, but this statistic is a rough estimate because of the taboo and silence surrounding male abuse survivors.

Reasons people stay in abusive partner relationships are: fear, conditioning, embarrassment, lack of resources, cultural or religious reasons, fear of dislocating children in the household, low self-esteem or because they think Dennis Rainey (a Christian speaker whose business model surrounds telling couples to adopt “traditional values”) told them to.

But what about you? Who is going to “love the pain” out of you?

I’m urging you to attend non-religious affiliated (in addition to Christian, if you choose) counseling sessions on your own. And yes, if your marriage continues to be spiritually, morally and emotionally depleting, and devoid of affection and respect, then — for what it’s worth — I would encourage you to leave. Counselors at The National Domestic Violence Hotline can help. Search their site: thehotline.org, or call (800) 799-7233. to cry.