Slurs strike too close for comfort

Dear Amy: My friend said something homophobic. I told her that my son is gay and she said, “Oh, I hope I did not offend you?”

My co-worker said something anti-Semitic. After he saw the expression on my face he said, “Oh, I hope I did not offend you?” (My grandparents are Jewish).

I am not comfortable talking with them further about this. How do I get past what they both said? — Not Sure How to Feel

Dear Not Sure: Your question implies that people with a close connection to an offended group should perhaps feel more offended by slurs than other people, because the offense becomes personal and therefore cuts deeper.

This might be true, but you should not have to disclose a close personal relationship in order to be disgusted. If you truly believe that we are all sisters and brothers (as Dr. King taught), then your kinship to any offended group would be implicit. You seem to feel a burden to “get past” these offensive comments. But the people who made them showed you who they are. And here is how you should feel: Disappointed, enlightened and free of the burden of explaining yourself or making excuses for them.

Dear Amy: Thank you for running the question from “Puzzled,” who brought up the subject of young people calling their parents by their first names. I got a kick out of the people you quoted in your answer and agree with you (and others) that this is basically a sign of disrespect.

I went through a phase of doing this, and my dad put his foot down. I’ll never forget what he said: “Anyone can be called by their first names, but only we get to be called ‘Mom’ and ‘Dad’. We’re proud of that, and I think we’ve earned it.” — Missing my Dad

Dear Missing: “Dad” was wise and patient. I can see why you miss him.