MIL’s friendship with ex is disruptive Lenses to the rescue for degeneration Work with doctors, coaches, Aquarius
Dear Amy: My husband and I have been married for three years. He has three teen children from a previous marriage.
My mother-in-law has a great relationship with my husband’s first wife. They are so tight, that my MIL consistently invites her to family events. My husband has had to tell his mother more than once that he will not attend these events if his ex-wife is invited.
Recently, two of my husband’s kids graduated from high school. They went to dinner with their mother, stepfather and my husband’s parents afterward. My MIL thought it was perfectly fine that we were not invited.
If my husband and his ex have a disagreement over something, my MIL automatically takes his ex’s side and dismisses my husband.
I want to make sure we aren’t just being petty or immature for being so upset by my MIL’s relationship with his ex. If my husband and his ex-wife had an amicable divorce and were able to be friends afterward, I would support a friendship.
Is it wrong for us to expect that there should be different boundaries? — Just the Second Wife
Dear Second Wife: Your husband should never discuss his ex with his mother. He needs to remove the fuel that seems to fan her disruptive flame. You and he should focus on your own relationship, and your MIL should not be included as a party to your marriage. If she treats both of you badly, a natural consequence would be for you both to avoid her.
You and he should focus on building the best relationship possible with his children. Never discuss their mother in a negative light, and don’t involve your MIL in your decision-making.
She has the right to associate with anyone she chooses. You also have that right.
Dear Dr. Roach: I have an elderly friend who’s becoming blind from macular degeneration.
After hearing of a particularly frustrating event she experienced due to vision loss, I remembered the great clarity that the yellow-lens (to reduce glare) glasses gave me, not just at night, but daytime also.
So, I sent her a pair to see if it would help, as a lastditch effort. She called me crying, it had made such a difference! She has now had her prescription eyeglasses done with the yellow (bluecanceling?) lenses.
Of course, we understand that this is just a temporary help, and won’t prevent the blindness from taking its course, but it has given her much better vision for a time. — I.L.B.
Age-related macular degeneration is the leading cause of vision loss in industrialized countries. It is a degeneration of the central part of the retina, called the macula, which is responsible for fine detail central vision. The underlying cause is not precisely known, and the course is progressive.
I was able to find a 2002 study that confirmed that yellow or orange lenses improved contrast sensitivity in people with early age-related macular degeneration, whereas red and gray lenses worsened it.
Another study suggested that the perceived benefit (the subjective experience by the person) was enhanced, but that objective improvement in vision was not actually improved much at all.
In my opinion, perceived benefit is still worth a great deal, and since there is little effective treatment for the more common “dry” form of ARMD beyond vitamins and smoking cessation, I am publishing your letter in hopes that some people will get improvements in their vision, as your friend did, from this low-cost treatment with essentially no risk of side effects.
Today’s Birthday: Gain physical capacities and skills this year. Win by working together in a coordinated partnership.
Cancer (June 21-July 22) (9) Plan your next adventure. Discuss personal aims and ambitions.
Leo (July 23-Aug. 22) (7) Allow more time for contemplation, with Mercury retrograde re-entering Cancer. Keep a dream journal.
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) (8) Team communication flows easier, with Mercury back in Cancer. Community activities and meetings go well.
Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22) (8) A rise in status comes through communications. Discuss what you want.
Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21) (7) Expand your territory, with Mercury retrograde in Cancer. Long-distance communications figure prominently.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) (8) Review numbers carefully. Budget and make financial plans, with Mercury back in Cancer. Family financial information changes your perspective. Doing the paperwork gets profitable.
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) (8) Your partner has great ideas. Brainstorm and collaborate over several weeks, with Mercury re-entering Cancer. Compromise comes easier. Discuss what you want to create.
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) (8) Work with doctors, coaches or trainers, with Mercury in Cancer. Exchange ideas, practices and methods.
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20) (7) Sweet words come easily, with Mercury retrograde reentering Cancer. Make romantic plans.
Aries (March 21-April 19) (6) Relax and consider. You’re good at solving domestic problems.
Taurus (April 20-May 20) (7) Connect with friends and relations. Study, research and write.
Gemini (May 21-June 20) (8) Profit through communication over the next two weeks, with Mercury in Cancer. Use cleverness and wit.