Violin gift creates friendship drama

Dear Amy: My best friend, “Betsy,” recently gave a used violin to my adult son. Betsy had the bow restrung and other repairs made before giving it to him.

The violin was used by her children when they were young.

My friend recognizes my son’s musical ability, and she wanted to encourage that. He is self-taught and plays the piano, guitar and drums. He also suffers with rather severe health problems. He is in constant pain, and music is one way for him to forget about that.

When her son and daughter found out, they were very upset that she had given the violin away without asking them first.

They want back.

I told him, and he was very hurt that she would ask for it back.

Betsy now plans to ask my son directly for its return. — Stuck in the Middle

Dear Stuck: Unless dealing with a priceless family heirloom, when adult children leave their childhood home and leave their musical instruments behind, their folks have the right to do what they want, unless there has been a specific arrangement for the parents to store them.

Counting on your mom to hold onto your broken violin indefinitely is not an assumption that adults living outside the home get to make.

This is my advice for “Betsy”: When your adult children complained about your choice to repair and give away this violin, you could/should have said, “You never led me to believe that you wanted this instrument, and so I’ve recycled it by giving it to someone I care about who will use it.”

Betsy seems to think that taking this violin back will fix this. She should not ask your son to give this gift back.

You aren’t actually stuck in the middle, and I suggest that you keep it that way. her to get it