DNA disclosure might unlock secret

Dear Amy: My mother conceived both my brother and me using a sperm donor. This information was never kept from us.

My stepdad adopted us. Recently, I was discussing taking an ancestry test and my mother revealed to me that her sister, my aunt “Grace” had trouble conceiving and that my older cousin, “Allie,” is also a sperm donor child.

My aunt and uncle, however, have not disclosed this information to Allie.

My uncle was the source of infertility, and did not want her to know (he has some ego issues).

This is apparently a big secret that nobody knows about (outside of my mom, aunt and uncle).

My mom asked me not to publicly post about my ancestry test, lest my cousin get curious and also want to take one, outing her parents.

I am deeply uncomfortable with this; as a fellow sperm donor child I feel an obligation to tell her, but I also am concerned about destroying my relationship with my aunt and uncle. — Concerned Cousin

Dear Concerned: If your mother had truly wanted to keep this sperm-donor information secret, she wouldn’t have told you. But she did tell you, and now she is setting this family secret at your feet.

I’m going to assume that you are an adult. Of course, your mother can ask you not to post publicly about your DNA ancestry test journey, but your DNA is your business and you have the right to handle this disclosure the way you want to.

Tell your mother, “I don’t want to bury my own information in order to keep this family secret. I hope you’ll encourage Aunt ‘Grace’ to tell ‘Allie’ the truth.”

Your parents seem to have handled the truth about your DNA very well. It’s too bad your aunt and uncle didn’t do likewise.