Couple wants to exclude family

Dear Amy: I have recently gotten engaged.

Growing up, my narcissistic mother physically and emotionally abused me. I was held to a much higher standard than my younger sister.

This led me to take out my frustrations on my sister — verbally, and also through manipulation.

I didn’t speak much to my family as a teenager, left the house for college and never went back.

I have not spoken to my sister in years.

As an adult I sought therapy, and have forgiven my mother. I have also sincerely apologized to my sister. She refuses to accept my apology.

I do not wish for her to be part of my wedding.

I know that my mother will not be pleased about excluding my sister, and will likely give me an ultimatum.

A wedding is a time for love, and if she attends, I know I will feel that it is strictly due to an obligation and expectation.

It is going to be a small, intimate wedding. Should I invite my sister to please my mother? Will I regret not inviting her in the future? — Sister Trouble

Dear Trouble: I don’t know what you will regret in the future. Your dysfunctional family and your own abusive behavior toward your sister has presented you with plenty of opportunities for regret.

Yes, weddings are about love. They are about the couple. Weddings are also about building a family. These celebrations offer opportunities for inclusion and can mark a fresh start to a relationship.

However, you should not invite your sister to your wedding if you don’t want to have a relationship with her. Given what you say about her refusal to acknowledge you, it seems doubtful that she would attend your wedding, even if she were invited.