Lake house dust-up roils friendship

Dear Amy: Recently, I went to join my two closest friends and their husbands at “Betsy’s” lake house. I arrived early. My friends had gone into town.

Betsy’s husband was sitting outside, and I walked down and said hello, but he didn’t knowledge me. So I asked him, “Do you want to be alone? Should I come back later?” He said yes, and I left in tears and drove the two hours back home. He was so rude and unkind, and I felt so unwelcome.

I texted Betsy that I was heading home and told her what had occurred.

She said she dislikes the way he treats me, but didn’t want to end her marriage. They’ve been married for 10 years and she and I have been friends for 20.

We have gone on family vacations and have had many holidays together. I consider her my family.

He texted a half-hearted apology days later, but I’m fairly certain it was under pressure from his wife.

I don’t want to lose Betsy, or to miss out on our family trips and holidays. What now? — Bereft Dear Bereft: “Betsy” seems to believe that she needs to choose between you and her husband, and I assume you hope this is not the case. However, are you boxing her in?

I would urge you to consider and accept that the guy just doesn’t like you — and unless you can take responsibility for a specific incident or attitude that might have contributed to this dynamic, so what? It’s on him. (If I refused to be in the company of people who don’t like me, I’d never leave the house.)

Leaving the scene in tears demonstrates a level of sensitivity toward this man’s behavior that he probably doesn’t deserve.

The ability to be in peaceful proximity to people who don’t like us is one mark of mature adulthood.