Eccentric in-law is invited to shut up

Dear Amy: My 77-year-old father-in-law is an eccentric man.

He’s a former librarian, so he’s always been chatty about odd topics. He has quirky hobbies and can be a bit argumentative. His wife died over a decade ago. I find him endearing, but my own family does not.

My parents and my older brother absolutely hate to be near him. They find him irritating and occasionally rude. They keep contact with him to the bare minimum but are always polite to him.

My brother is hosting the holidays this year, and to my surprise, extended an invite to my father-in-law to join us. He old me to ask him to “be seen, and not heard.”

I haven’t extended the invite to my father-in-law yet. I just don’t know how to say, “don’t be weird” and “keep your mouth shut.”

What do you think? Concerned

Dear Concerned: I think your brother is a bit of a jerk — or at least he is acting like one.

No, I don’t think you should ask your father-in-law to keep his mouth shut.

You don’t mention your spouse or partner here, but if your partner is on the scene, they may be able to gently and respectfully influence their father to modulate his behavior.

Also — because you are so fond of him, if he attends, make sure he is seated near you. You might be able to steer him to conform closer to the dynamic.

I think you should say to your brother, “I don’t want to tell my father-in-law to keep his mouth shut and stop being weird — if you don’t want to invite him, you should tell me.”

Fellowship surrounding the holiday season should involve a level of patience toward the quirky, the eccentric and the misbegotten. It is not enough to merely issue an invitation — both hosts and guests should work extra-hard to be inclusive, well-behaved and kind to one another.