Assault severs longtime friendship

Dear Amy: Recently, after dinner and a fair amount of drinking, my close friend’s husband came up behind me and grabbed my crotch.

I was shocked, but decided to blow it off.

We were staying at their vacation condo at the time.

I thought that he would apologize, but the next morning, nothing was said. We were close friends. Now I’m so sad because he hurt me (and my husband, and his wife), and our relationship has ended.

He is a retired surgeon and should not be able to get away with this.

Should I tell my friend, his wife?

I miss her. — Upset Friend Dear Upset: Grabbing someone in this way is not a failed and flailing drunken quasi-romantic “pass.” It is a sexual assault.

For many different reasons, you decided not to confront the man who assaulted you.

Perhaps you are intimidated by this man. I assume that your primary relationship is with the wife, and that you are embarrassed, possibly ashamed, and conflicted — as many assault victims are.

I agree that he should not be able to get away with this. You don’t seem inclined to try to bring any sort of legal action against this man, but you should consider this as one of your options.

You should contact him, in writing, to say, “On the night of [state the date], you came up behind me and grabbed me by the crotch. I was too shocked to say anything to you at the time, but I’m saying something now. You assaulted and offended me. Your actions have severed a treasured friendship between our families. At the least, you owe me an acknowledgment and apology.”

You should consider copying his wife on this message. One or both of them might deny this, or attempt to retaliate. But you should not assist in brushing it under the rug.