Spouse wants to tidy up behind him

Dear Amy: I’ve been in a loveless marriage for 15 of the past 22 years. We are basically partners in raising the remaining children at home (ages 16 and 14).

Recently I reached out to my ex-wife to tell her about the passing of my parents. We started corresponding about our lives. Quite frankly, I never stopped loving her.

As it turns out, we are both very unhappy in our current marriages. We have expressed that we never stopped loving each other.

My ex-wife has since left her husband and is filing for divorce. I want to follow suit, but am having trouble, as I feel I have a mess to tidy up before I leave, i.e. sell the house, get the kids into another home with their mother and deal with finances.

Should I tell my wife I am leaving for another woman, or simply explain that I am not happy and move out?

I just need to be happy. I want to feel loved, have intimacy, laugh, and be with the woman I have loved throughout my entire life! — Love Story

Dear Love Story: This is not a mess that will be easily “tidied.” Your wife and children will likely be bewildered, and you’ll be spreading a lot of hurt around. NONE of this is their fault. Your choice is on you.

You must tell the truth. You should make this disclosure with the help of a couples’ counselor, who will assist the two of you to communicate about this in order to break up as peacefully, as you can.

My advice is for you to take full responsibility for your own choices, treat the mother of your children with kindness, do everything possible to stay close to your children, and shelter all of them from your excitement about leaving.

Telling your wife that you have (basically) never loved her should be off the table.