Wedding guests are put off by cash grab

Dear Amy: The son of a friend is getting married in March.

He and his fiancée have lived together for several years.

Both are 30-ish and employed.

They are planning an expensive wedding, followed by an expensive honeymoon to Thailand, and have established a registry asking for funding for their honeymoon or future home.

As we are not interested in contributing to these expenses, would it be appropriate to make a contribution to a charity in honor of their nuptials? — Perplexed

Dear Perplexed: If this couple registered for a slow cooker from Crate and Barrel, would you decline to give it to them, believing that because they are employed and living together — they don’t actually deserve to receive something specifically because they’ve asked for it?

My point is that the idea behind registries has always been to try to give the couple something that they actually want and will use.

Even though you balk at the idea of contributing money to a prosperous couple, in some cultures, after a wedding people place money in an envelope and hand it directly to the bride, who places the envelope in a special purse.

Less-obvious requests for cash are honeymoon registries, which have become quite popular. My favorite registries involve specific items you can purchase for the couple to enjoy while on their honeymoon trip, such as, “Zip-lining through the rain forest” or “an afternoon of surfing.”

Just because a registry is set up, a guest is not obligated to use it.

However, you can pat yourself on the back, because contributing to a worthy nonprofit is always a good idea, even if your motivation to do so is more passive-aggressive than generous.