Dating confidence can’t be faked

Dear Amy: I’m 26 years old and live in a large city.

I have a wide circle of close friends, but I’ve always struggled with dating. My longest relationship lasted for about two years.

My friends and family often tell me, “You can’t love someone if you don’t love yourself.”

I know the reason people say this is because I have never loved myself. I was a very anxious child; as a teenager I was diagnosed with body image dysmorphia and depression. I have battled (and have conquered) an eating disorder, as well.

I am in therapy and take medication. I have a stable job, exercise regularly, and eat a healthy diet.

Although I lack self-confidence, I believe I appear confident on dates, but I don’t believe I come off as haughty. I’m careful to take things slowly, but also express interest.

Do you agree with my friends? — Not Confident in Nebraska

Dear Nebraska: I agree with your friends and family and what I think they are trying to tell you is that the most important relationship you will ever have, is the one you have with yourself.

To some degree, meeting and matching is a confidencebusting experience for anyone. When things don’t pan out, you will always ask yourself, “Is it ME? Am I the problem?” No doubt, many of the people you’ve matched with are also doubting themselves.

I hope you realize that much of what you are doing is SO right! You are dealing with your physical, emotional, and mental health challenges, and it seems that you have come a long way from the anxious child you once were.

To build on your successes, you will have to practice ways of getting out of your head.

True confidence is conveyed by being comfortable enough in your own skin.