Brother’s rantings have consequences

Dear Amy: At the start of the pandemic restrictions, I was talking with my brother by phone and he voiced concern about my husband’s work, which he believed might expose our mother to the COVID virus.

She lives close by, and we visit one another quite often. My husband has little to no contact with others while he works. He always showers and puts his clothes in the laundry whenever he gets home.

My brother proceeded to shout at me at the top of his lungs, accusing me of not caring.

I told him I would talk to him later when he calmed down.

For the next three days he sent aggressive and threatening texts and emails; eventually I blocked his number.

My mother’s view is that “this is just how he communicates.” She wants me to let it go.

I’m fine with letting it go, but that doesn’t mean I want to continue to communicate with him. This is not the first time he has done this.

How should I handle interactions with him? — Had Enough

Dear Had Enough: The law of natural consequences states that the natural reaction to being berated is to avoid the person who is berating you. If your brother has concerns to share, he should find a reasonable way to express them.

People are panicking right now. Your brother no doubt feels powerless. This doesn’t absolve him of the need to behave respectfully.

Do not involve your mother in this conflict. He is her son, and she will defend him in order to try to resolve this.

In the future, you should approach every contact with your brother as an opportunity for a fresh start. If he can’t move forward, and chooses to try to relitigate this issue with you, then you will know that he is simply not ready to start over.